Feeling Suicidal and No Love

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JamesS, Oct 15, 2013.

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  1. JamesS

    JamesS New Member

    Hi just joined the forum and was looking for someone to talk to. I feel on the edge and hope i can just talk to someone soon.

    From the beginning, It started when i was 11, when i moved schools, bullying and being beaten up started.

    I took it for 4 years, until now, when i started self harming 6 months ago, it eased a little, but still the bullying continues, i have a poor relationship with my parents so we argue all the time. I have no friends and nobody to talk too and my life just feels empty, worthless and pointless. So these last few months ive been thinking about suicide.
    I see people, while walking down the street, couples, friends and im alone. Why cant my life be like this :'(

    Should i just end it now?
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Hi James - I am glad you found us. I am sorry that you feel so miserable and depressed. In answer to your question, no you should not end it now. You are young and you have decades of life ahead of you. If you are being bullied and beaten up you need to go to a teacher or guidance counsellor and report it. Violence against another person is a criminal offence wherever you live.

    Bullying is not something you have to tolerate and schools are obligated to take action. Speak up and get help.

    I empathise with arguing with your parents all the time - I think many teenagers do. It is rare to find a teenager/parent relationship that is not rife with argument. What you need to remember is that your parents are most likely trying to look out for you and care for you in a way that you do not understand (might not understand until you have children of your own). I am not saying that makes it easy (or necessarily possible) to talk to them, but it does mean that however alone you feel, the chances are that they love you very much and you are not as alone as you think.

    I understand the "will that ever be me?" feeling when looking at couples etc, but you need to keep things in perspective and remember that even people who do "have someone" at your age tend to go through breakups and heartache regularly simply because 15 is not an age where relationships work or last in general. You have decades to find someone - do not write yourself off or 'give up now' because things haven't fallen into place yet.

    Keep talking to us - but please please do talk to someone in real life as well. Take a step (scary as it might be) and make your life better for yourself.

    Be safe
  3. JamesS

    JamesS New Member

    Thanks for the reply, Im scared about talking to people, my social skills are, awful.
    I just feel that i was an accident and im not meant to be on this earth
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    There is no need to be scared here - and social skills are something that you can only improve with practise. Nobody is born with great social skills. Start small and set goals. A couple of years ago the idea of people I don't know made me feel sick and shaky with fear - now I get up and do presentations in front of total strangers and make them laugh; it is all about practise.

    Stop telling yourself bad, untrue things like "I was an accident and I'm not meant to be on this earth". I do not expect you would say something like that to someone else - it is so unkind and unnecessary - so do not say it to yourself. You have forever to find your place in the world. Give yourself a chance.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi James i hope you can talk to someone at your school and get the bullying stopped even if you have to press charges against your attackers do it ok Talk to a councilor at your school get some help to get you into some programs that will increase your confidence with people You are safe here you can talk to us anytime ok Just want you to know you are not alone
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi James
    First I will answer what you wrote last. You are not an accident. I understand why you are thinking that. But I seeply believe that no one is an accident. Each person has a very important reason they are here. It may feel just the opposite. And believe me, I personally feel just the opposite myself.

    You ARE dealing with a lot. When the Bullying aka abuse starts., its hard to hold on to any self esteem. Once thats gone, then we often do not even have our own inner protection system from our own thoughts toward ourselves. Or this is how it seems when I look at it.

    I am wondering if you could talk with a school guidence counsellor about how and what you are feeling?

    Most important, you have found your way here. This is a great community. I hope you will come here a lot and get to know people. This is my community. I do not have one irl. Many people here are the same way. This is our community. And this can be your community. There will be no bullying here. There is zero tolerence for meanness here. The management here is very kind and protective.
    Choose which welcome you like. I couldn't decide :D :welcome_mouse: :welcome: :waving:
  7. JamesS

    JamesS New Member

    Thanks for the welcome flowers.
    I go to a very small school 55 in a year/grade. We don't actually have an in school counsellor. I dont want to talk to any teachers, because I don't really like them.
    I know i need to talk, i just can't find the right person to talk to :(
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    james, here is what I want to suggest. Maybe its something you feel you can do. If you come from the US, you can call United way. They have hugeee lists of people who help. You can tell them your circumstances and they can look through their list and come up with some ideas of where you can call to find some help. In the US United way can usually be reached by calling 211.

    When I called the first time I didnt get a suggestion that worked out. Because the people who work there on the resource lines have different levels of abilities to find things. I called back again and another person found exactly the right place for me. I called the place and found an amazing person to talk with and help me. Free of charge. If you do not live in the US, or for some reason cant call the united way, will you let me know? So I can try to find another idea for you? Thanks

    I think its very important to reach out. I REALLY hope you will. And please keep coming here. Please.
  9. JamesS

    JamesS New Member

    I'm in north east England, Yorkshire, if that helps
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    James, it does help to have that info. Would you be able to call or email the samaritans? They are in England. Here is the webpage with info re how to contact them
    http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us I have read some posts here by a couple of different people saying that the samaritans did help them. Please let me know, if you can
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