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Feeling Suicidal But Not Depressed

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Ringo

Well-Known Member
#1
Can anyone relate to this?

I've had periods of very bad depression in my life when I can't do anything apart from lay in bed all day but even at times when I'm coping and not overly unhappy I still have these thoughts that I'd rather just not be here.

Is this strange?
 

unbearable

Well-Known Member
#2
I dont think its strange at all, I think when depressions been present it almost still runs as an undercurrent sometimes in your mind even if you are getting on with life.
Although you say its times when your coping is there still any feelings of loneliness or lack of life being all you want it to be, perhaps just not feeling quite like everyone else? It does sound like theres still some depression running through even if your not very aware of it which isnt making your feelings unusual at all.
Or maybe as youve had these thoughts in the past your mind is still turning to it as a kind learnt behaviour?
Have you spoken to any one about how you feel?
 

DrNick1010

Well-Known Member
#3
I know that feeling as well. It's like you just become apathetic towards life. You're sick of being down and it takes too much time and energy to act like people might normally act when they're depressed. You kind of ignore your depression and go forward, apathetic whether or not you live or die. I think it's still a type of depression, just not what we normally perceive as depression. It usually helps if you can find some kind of activity to do or something to take your mind off suicidal thoughts. Not saying they'll go away by doing this, but you'll at least temporarily forget about them, especially in the company of others.
 

Ringo

Well-Known Member
#4
Although you say its times when your coping is there still any feelings of loneliness or lack of life being all you want it to be, perhaps just not feeling quite like everyone else? It does sound like theres still some depression running through even if your not very aware of it which isn't making your feelings unusual at all.
Yeah I suffer from Social Anxiety issues and my life hasn't turned out the way I would have liked but I've still got a lot of good things in my life and I know there are people far worse off than myself but I just still always seem to have that feeling that I'd rather just not be here.

Have you spoken to any one about how you feel?
Yeah I see a councillor, she basically Say's the same as you just have that it's still underlying depression. I'm just not so sure.
 

TooShyToScream

Well-Known Member
#5
Can anyone relate to this?

I've had periods of very bad depression in my life when I can't do anything apart from lay in bed all day but even at times when I'm coping and not overly unhappy I still have these thoughts that I'd rather just not be here.

Is this strange?
No, it's not strange. You don't have to be depressed to be suicidal. You may be feeling other emotions that you find unsatisfying, or maybe life is unsatisfying in general even if you're not depressed about it. I'm the same as you. I'm not necessarily sad all the time...I just don't like life, I don't like people, I don't like society. A lot of the time it's anxiety, hate, or just emotional numbness that I feel when I want to die. If your therapist limits your desire to commit suicide to being depressed, that's not necessarily correct...think about terrorists who kill themselves for religious reasons, or maybe someone is doing it to escape jail or homelessness or something like that. Those people aren't depressed.
 

Ringo

Well-Known Member
#6
I'm not necessarily sad all the time...I just don't like life, I don't like people, I don't like society. A lot of the time it's anxiety, hate, or just emotional numbness that I feel when I want to die..
Yeah I think that's how I feel. You've described it better than me.
 

TooShyToScream

Well-Known Member
#7
Also, if it helps, I haven't been diagnosed with depression despite my suicidal tendencies. I have NOS mood disorder, social anxiety, and borderline/avoidant personality disorder. So it can be other things.
 
#8
I have never had any periods of deep depression and I still want out of here 'cause my life doesn't offer anything to me and I can't see how it ever will. I'm just too unhappy with myself to find any joy in living. If someone gave me a pill and would promise that by eating that I would die painlessly, I'd probably take it.
 

DrNick1010

Well-Known Member
#9
Posting again. Kind of had a revelation. I've been reading a lot of ecological literature lately and it's really changed my perspective on things. I'm fairly religious as it is, but looking at the natural world has given me amazing perspectives on life and made me feel very fortunate to not only be alive but be a part of the living world around me. Not saying this will necessarily work for you, but it's certainly helped me. I do hope you feel better and try some things out of your comfort zone to remind you just how amazing life can be at times.
 
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