Feeling suicidal & don't know why

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by thatonegirl7, Dec 31, 2013.

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  1. thatonegirl7

    thatonegirl7 New Member

    Lately I have attempted committing suicide multiple times within the last 3 days but something always makes me stop myself of snap out of it. I get this numb feeling and it's overwhelming, overpowering almost and I can't control it. I have a boyfriend of almost a year, he has been nothing but wonderful and helpful with this whole situation. He's such a good guy and he loves me and I love him, my family is great, they love me and care about me immensely, my friends are amazing people too and school has been good. Recently, I turned down going to my dream university that I had been wanting to go to for over 4 years to stay in the university in my hometown with my boyfriend. I feel like maybe staying up here could have triggered feelings of feeling trapped and as if I am never going to get out of this place. I don't think that's enough reason to feel suicidal though, I feel so weak, I don't understand. I'm not depressed, I'm just sad and unhappy. Every now and then throughout the day I get this overwhelming feeling of just wanting to leave. I don't think about anything except leaving and not having to deal with this. I know it's selfish and maybe stupid but I don't know what else to do. I just want to stop feeling like this so I can move on with my life and not ruin my relationship. That's it. Please help.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It does not sound stupid hun you gave up on a dream you past it to stay with your bf perhaps talking to him he may say go to the universty you want to so you don't feel trapped so yu don't feel like you are giving up on something you dreamed about. It is hard but try ok talking to him to see what he thinks let him know that part of the reason you feel so sad was you gave up going to this university and although you want to stay near him you also want to follow your dreams there hug
     
  3. thatonegirl7

    thatonegirl7 New Member

    I told him I didn't want to give up my dream but the school I want to go to is on the other side of the country and he doesn't like it there, AT ALL, he would be really unhappy and I can't do that to him, so I decided to give this up if it meant keeping him. He just tells me to forget about it and go to the school anyways and that if we're meant to be we'll meet up again sometime in the future but I can't leave knowing I could've stayed and been okay. He even gave me a ring, I just can't leave now.
     
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Please take no offense to my saying so, but it seems to me that if your boyfriend told you to go to the school without him and that "if you're meant to be, you'll meet up again", it seems to me that either he doesn't care all THAT much if you did decide to leave, or he's trying not to seem vulnerable so he doesn't get hurt. Either way, I would take quite a bit of offense to it if I were you. You're willing to give up something that means the world to you for him, which is saying a lot, and not only is he not willing to do the same for you, he's also willing to just separate and see what happens...that's really messed up if you ask me. Obviously, you know now that you can't stay and be okay and if he cares about you as much as he says he does, then he should be willing to come to some sort of compromise where you're both happy instead of putting you in a position like this. And if he's not, then you'll know where his priorities stand and should probably rethink yours.
     
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