Feeling suicidal due to physical pain and discomfort

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bluehills1, May 26, 2015.

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  1. Bluehills1

    Bluehills1 New Member

    Up until January was well in my world, and then it came crashing down. To cut a long story short, I was diagnosed with a prolapsed disc in my neck - this is ongoing and very difficult, but I was more or less coping. However, the knowledge that I caused this prolapse myself by excessive computer work for my job (up to 16 hours a day) coupled with the fact that I was unceremoniously replaced when I took some sick leave, resulted in a low level depression.

    A month ago I developed severe tingling, numbness, compression and pain in my feet and lower legs. This, coupled with ongoing numbness and tingling in my hands at night leads to a probable diagnosis of peripheral neuropathy, which is progressive and incurable. I am taking medication which is not helping and has horrible side effects. I am unable to sleep at night, unable to travel at all due to inflammatory pain and cannot sit, lie down or stand without these very upsetting symptoms. GP is to refer me to neurologist, but that will be months away.

    I am fifty five year old female (older than most the people on this site, from what I have read so far - but still thought I had a lot of life left in me!). At the end of 2014 I thought I had a great year ahead of me, now I am constantly thinking about suicide and feel that I cannot go on any more. I don't want to die, but I prefer this to another day of this physical torment.

    Thank you for reading this/listening.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Call the neurologist office see if they can fit you in if there is a cancellation early then you are booked
    Will therapy on your neck not help to relieve the pain of the prolapse disc i think it could ask you doctor about getting some therapy ok
    I not certain but i do believe that there is surgery that can be performed to help heal a prolapse disc as well but you will find that out when you talk to specialist
    Make the call to the office ok tell them to put you on the on call list

    I know the pain can get unbearable ask you doc to also refer you to a pain specialist so you can get help to cope with the pain you are living in until you see the neurologist there is hope that you can get relief the is so don't give up ok not yet
  3. Bluehills1

    Bluehills1 New Member

    Thank you for your reply, total eclipse. Nerve conduction tests evidenced bilateral carpal tunnel. However, I saw neurologist yesterday who is of view that the hand symptoms coupled with lower legs and feet symptoms are not typical of carpal tunnel. He has referred me for a brain MRI to explore possible MS. This will take two weeks. I am feeling so desperate and alone, and can't believe the way my life has imploded. I feel that every part of me has died apart from the unfortunate physical continuing that keeps me alive. I hesitate at suicide in case it doesn't work, the possibility of 'punishment' after life and the impact on my mother who has dementia (I am an only child) and on my husband. However, I feel that my husband would have more chance of picking his life up again if I wasn't here. He is 67, I am nearly 56. Each day I try to do something, but my depression beats me and I just sit/lie around. Even showering feels like too much effort. This time last year my life felt so good, now there is nothing left.
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