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Ideas & Opinions Feeling Suicidal

#1
I hate my existence and have come to the point where I no longer want to live. If there was an easy way to end my life I would. I don't have anything worth living for and feel empty. I struggle to make it through the days and the week.
There is no joy in my life. I am close to my parents although the relationship with one of them feels empty where it used to be good, it has taken a lot of strain and even catastrophe recently and over past few years. As they are virtually the only people present often and continuously in my life I am deeply scared that I will have no one really when they are gone (they are 60's/70's). And while they are here I would like some good people (friends/someone I'm dating) to share with them and enjoy introducing them to, and for them to get to know and share them with positively to enhance our relationships but this hasn't been possible for years now or at all.
I have often researched ways to end my life online and the best I can find is <mod edit - method> but I don't feel I have the courage to do that or to actually use it. I don't have a personal or social life or working life anymore and I feel so much regret about missed opportunities in all these areas in the past, especially the past 5-10 years. I would dearly love to go back in time when these things were still possible, especially with the benefit of hindsight to make sure some things worked out well, not badly or came to nothing or were lost before reaching this age/point as I hate where I have ended up, but that would be impossible. (to turn back time).
There is more I would like to be able to share with someone who will listen, try to understand and respond but it is too in depth and particular to my life to post widely on a forum. I have already shared a lot. (too much, perhaps.) So that's all for now.
Any thoughts/ideas...? Thanks in anticipation, and thanks for reading.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#2
Hello 👋 @ForumGal ! : )

wow—I can relate to a lot of what you say. . . Now, believe it or not, I don’t believe or feel that you’ve over shared here (& if you have a good look around, you’ll see what I mean); & I also feel you have a very articulate way of expressing yourself. Meaning, in part, that I understood your post from the first read through and almost felt as if - in some small way(s) - that I knew you! : )
Number One ☝️ I think you need to stop looking at things with regret, move on from the past: don’t look at these “mistakes” As “failures,” but rather opportunities to change things in the future. You’re right: we can t go back in time so no sense in wracking our brains (is that how you say , or spell that??) trying to right aby wrongs, or punish ourselves for what was, or was not done ✅ what we did or did not do... & so on & so on—

And so the thing is this: what do you want to be able to say about yourself, in the next 5 years. . . Or 10?!. ( do you want to look back on it — & say, “hey! This is when I started to make a change; turn things around, adapt & adjust... I began to let go of my insecurities and embrace m y fears ; I realized tha t we’ve only got one go around // as far as we know // & so given what’s given - with the way things have gone - & my subsequent unhappiness with them, I decided to take a stand and say, I’m not going to tolerate it like that anymore. I won’t live my life like I’ve been living it- ) .

there s an old saying. “ ur best thinking 💭 🤔 has gotten you here,” or something like that! ; ) And I know, as I said, I can relate! And maybe that’s why this was so easy to write. . . & contain (at least for me!) relatively few typos / autocorrect s’ ;D

peace ✌️: )

-mr. b
 
#3
Hello 👋 @ForumGal ! : )

wow—I can relate to a lot of what you say. . . Now, believe it or not, I don’t believe or feel that you’ve over shared here (& if you have a good look around, you’ll see what I mean); & I also feel you have a very articulate way of expressing yourself. Meaning, in part, that I understood your post from the first read through and almost felt as if - in some small way(s) - that I knew you! : )
Number One ☝️ I think you need to stop looking at things with regret, move on from the past: don’t look at these “mistakes” As “failures,” but rather opportunities to change things in the future. You’re right: we can t go back in time so no sense in wracking our brains (is that how you say , or spell that??) trying to right aby wrongs, or punish ourselves for what was, or was not done ✅ what we did or did not do... & so on & so on—

And so the thing is this: what do you want to be able to say about yourself, in the next 5 years. . . Or 10?!. ( do you want to look back on it — & say, “hey! This is when I started to make a change; turn things around, adapt & adjust... I began to let go of my insecurities and embrace m y fears ; I realized tha t we’ve only got one go around // as far as we know // & so given what’s given - with the way things have gone - & my subsequent unhappiness with them, I decided to take a stand and say, I’m not going to tolerate it like that anymore. I won’t live my life like I’ve been living it- ) .

there s an old saying. “ ur best thinking 💭 🤔 has gotten you here,” or something like that! ; ) And I know, as I said, I can relate! And maybe that’s why this was so easy to write. . . & contain (at least for me!) relatively few typos / autocorrect s’ ;D

peace ✌️: )

-mr. b
Thanks, that's really good advice - I'll try to take it on board and act on it! Stay in touch...
 
#4
Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling bad at the moment. As MisterBGone said above, a lot of us, me included, can relate to a lot of what you are saying.

You seem to have a lot of regret about what has happened in your past. The past can't be changed now though. The best you can do is try and move forward, learning from any mistakes you made in your past.

You say you don't currently have a big social life but you want one. Could you potentially find some clubs for any interests you might have in your local area? This could be a way to meet new people and find new friends.

I hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs *hug10.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
The path and choices you made is what made you who you are today. Looking back with regrets is one of the hardest thing you can do to yourself. This reminds me of the scene in Lion King where Simba faces his past and guilt with Rafiki if you are familiar with this movie I love it as it applied to me the older and older I keep getting. @ForumGal it is never too late to change. Really it isnt.

“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – Rafiki
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
SF Pro
#6
Hello @ForumGal welcome to SF :)
you’re in the right place to come and ask for guidance :) were a great community :)


Firstly, I’d like to say that you can’t keep dwelling on the what ifs it’ll drive you absolutely bonkers. For everyone there’s always a what if :) maybe you should think about where you can start to move forward with this and look at things a little differently

secondly, you’re so lucky to still have a great relationship with your parents, hold on to it as lo n as possible, I’m also one of these lucky few that still have both parents. Their age is obviously a worrying factor for you, but try and be positive for them

and lastly, meeting someone whom you can share your life with and show off to your family will come in time :) there’s no point rushing trying to find the perfect match as they’ll never be the right person for you.

i hope you keep coming back here :) were a really friendly bunch and will always be welcoming to anyone with any problem :) hope to see you around
 

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