I don't really know how to go about doing this, but I'll give it an attempt. I'm sorry if what I'm about to write seems rough or appears to be some kind of sob story designed for attention. I assure you it isn't. I guess I'll start off by telling you why I feel suicidal. My life up to this point has been an utter failure - full of fear, confusion, and one bad decision after another. I dropped out of school at a very young age. There isn't one solid reason why I did this. Basically I was scared, stupid and couldn't cope with what was going on in my life at the time. I'm 18 now. I have agoraphobia, social anxiety and depression which comes from being violently assaulted four times in one year when I was 14-15. And threatened/intimidated countless times. I haven't left my house more than a handful of times in the past three years. I have no friends. I'm hideously ugly. My family is on welfare. No one has ever been kind to me my entire life. I have no future prospects because of my lack of education. Getting out of bed in the morning is a battle. My Father was an abusive alcoholic. He died when I was 10. I've lived in 9 different homes. I just feel tired... Like I've been through too much. And that more suffering is the only logical assumption. I have regular panic attacks. The only social interaction I have is online, with people whom I lie about myself to. I don't think I'm going to make an attempt on my life in the next few days or anything like that. I just can't get the feeling that I want to die out of my head. I still enjoy some things, like music and cigarettes. This comforts me somewhat, knowing that I still have some happiness in my life. However little. I don't even know what I'm looking for or trying to achieve by writing this. sorry.