Feeling Suicidal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lancashirelass, May 16, 2011.

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  1. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    I am feeling so down i feel i want to attempt again. I know it's wrong but i'm in so much pain physically and mentally that i can't cope anymore. I also feel so alone sat in chat really wanting to say i need help but everyone enjoying themselves so much i didn't want to spoil it. I can't sleep as pain so bad which makes my brain work overtime. I have tried the helplines and they don't seem bothered bf is asleep so can't tell him which leaves me with one option and although i know ppl care and would miss me they aren't there when i need them most.
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I'm here Dawn! What's going on?
  3. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Ok i od'd other night and regreted it but now i have a physical pain that docs don't know what it is and expect me to wait 3 weeks for app but in the meantime i'm meant to be seeing mental health team which i know will be hard and now i feel suicidal again as not sure i can open up to them again and keep safe so might aswell do it now.
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Well... I can only suggest hanging in there until you meet the mental health team. And be completely honest with them. They are there to help. What does the bf think?
  5. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Bf doesn't think thats the prob he thinks i'm ok and nothing wrong with me.
  6. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    If you keep overdosing, there is obviously something wrong. Does your bf know that you overdose at least twice a week?
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Lancashire Lass - try to outline why you feel so down here - I see your still online and if your going to be up for a while others will help you - me included.

    Does your boyfriend understand your condition? He might be up for work or something so I know your reluctant to wake him up. Thing is - I hope you do open up to him and you really do need someone who understands depression if you live with them.

    Is your depression one with a root cause ? Or is this something which just came 'out of the blue' perhaps introducing you to depression bit by bit until one day you realise you maybe see that happiness hard to achieve and you struggle in areas of life which you otherwise coped with.

    Feeling suicidal is bad - perhaps as bad as it gets really as at that point you are feeling as low as can be. Don't keep it to yourself - get some help and see your doctor. You might be able to call early in the morning to get an appointment - but ask if your GP has some telephone appointment system - most do and if you register then you can book via phone after midnight to get an appointment the next morning in most surgeries.

    You say people are not there for you when you most need it - but perhaps your depression has isolated yourself a little - sometimes we push people away perhaps feeling shame that we have depression. It is a shame which is undeserving, and the stigma with depression is little more than ignorance. People who do not understand it - fear it and often as not ostracise people who suffer with a condition that is passed via DNA. It is REAL - its not some case of people just being 'weak' or unable to cope.

    I read only yesterday in a major UK newspaper that scientists actually think they have isolated a part of the genetic code which causes depression.

    Anyhow Yorkshire Girl - you should see your doctor - maybe get some counselling if this depression has a root cause. Childhood abuse, bullying, alcohol and drug abuse and abusive relationships. There are a myriad of reasons WHY people might actually have depression triggered - unemployment, redundancy, failures real or imagined.

    I'm 'lucky' in that I'm in the category of people who have NO reason for the depression. I guess that makes a difference in how I perceive my depression - and I've been raised well, great parents, poor background but a happy childhood, enjoyed being a teenager, got along with people always.

    There are things I've done I feel bad about - but I do not ruminate over the past when I was bad (only crime - nothing violent) - I just try to be honest now. We all have regrets but you can do good now to balance the past IF you've walked along a path of dishonesty like me and others I'm sure.

    Some are in jail right now - members of the forum who I've chatted to myself. Then again, they will be OK - its easier surviving inside as it happens! No worry there about an empty fridge - or trying to judge whether a box of old sugar puffs, possibly a year old, congealed into one solid mass, might be edible!

    Anyhow, my problems with sugar puffs are trivial - your state of mind is a concern right now and I hope that you can maybe vent a little here and let us know a bit more if you are up to it.

    Get help would be my advise - not sure if you have ever done as it can be daunting for the first time - just to tell someone you are depressed and cannot cope. It is worth it though - life is about the strong helping the weak - and when you are feeling well again, I'm sure you will be a positive person to have around.

    Depression drains us - makes joy seem like its out of reach. You don't want to carry this burden alone - talk to someone, maybe your family might be more open than you think - or do they already know you have depression?

    My regards and best wishes, from a fellow Northerner.

    Depression is a victory waiting to happen.
  8. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    i didn't overdose from oct last yr up till last week but no bf doesn't know dur to fact he can't handle it he does understand as he has been thorugh it himself but he finds it hard to deal with the fact he wasn't there to help when it happened even though i hadn't actually met him then. I just don't know how else to deal with this every year is the same but this year is harder as rapist is due out on parole and promised police he would "sort me out himself and i was dead"
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I'm sure the police have noted the rapists threats - but these lowlife make about a million threats in their lifetimes - I know criminal types (not rapists) who must have threatened hundreds with death - but they are just loudmouths and will be looking to keep a low profile as anyone doing harm to them will have some kudos to gain. Most rapists move somewhere else - after all, everyone knows men like that are just scumbags. He would not be so brave in the company of men.

    If your worried - do you not have any contact with the police? They can fit home alarms if the threat is real.

    The main thing you might need is counselling as victims of rape go through a horrible experience and often are left to heal on their own.

    What about your family Lancashire Lass? Do you have any contact with them?

    you also do not say if you had any help off the doctor or took any meds to try to and help you out. It is more than worth a try - I feel for you on all counts but the depression needs sorting out - that holds you back year after year.

    This year, perhaps its time to make a move in the right direction - your running on the spot in a kind of way - its not a good way to live and it can change.

    Please think about getting some help.

    Especially if you never had counselling over the rape. There are some great counsellors who specialise in this particularly nasty experience. Doubtless it darkens your view of life but many woman have been through the same experience and have regained their confidence and realised they never lost their dignity - the rapist did.
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