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Feeling the strain here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by valsper, Aug 23, 2012.

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  1. valsper

    valsper Member

    Im not coping very well.

    Ive dealt with episodes like this throughout since my late teens, im now in my 30's. I have gradually found myself as a person as ive got older but im really not happy with who and what ive turned out to be. I dont seem to have any drive about me at all and am just happy going along at a steady pace. It must drive others mad, but thats how I am. Sometimes I think im happy like that, sometimes I think im a waste of space. I dont know which I am to be honest.

    I lost a close relative this time last year to a terminal ilness and now my mother in law has been diagnosed with a similar ilness. My self and my wife are also going through IVF treatment and it really is getting on top of me. My work is suffering, everything is suffering. Im hiding everything and trying to carry on but its getting harder and harder. I feel I have a role to play and be big and strong for my wife at this time but im letting her down. I dont know what to do anymore and I doubt I will find the answer here but I thought id write this to try and release some of the pressure. My mind is a mess.
  2. champie

    champie Well-Known Member

    Hey valsper, hang in there man.

    What does your wife have to say about all this that is going on in your lives and does she know how you are feeling?

    You can't make babies or stop death by your will and your wife must understand that.

    As far as being strong, I think you have to lift the weight to see how strong you are. Trying may surprise you while not trying will lead to no surprise at all.

    Please tell us more. Your thoughts are as beneficial to the rest of us as they are to you, and attempts at honest responses can sometimes lead to clarity of mind for someone (that's one of those surprises we find in the effort).
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I know several couples who have gone through IVF and it brings an enormous stress to the relationship to begin with...then the illnesses and death, and it is no wonder you are stressed...happiness is so individual for each of us...will the birth of the child be it for you? Is there something you and your wife can do to bring about greater happiness (eg couples counseling)...and strong means showing your true self...I hope you continue to work on your relationship with your wife and that there is a place for you to express how you are doing
  4. valsper

    valsper Member

    Well its our D Day on the 11th December - we find out if the IVF has worked. It has consumed our lives and if it does not work I don't know what I will do. Im already planning what to do when the time comes and the thoughts and feelings are not nice. Becoming a father is just about the last decent thing that I can do while im on this earth - if its taken away from me then existence will be pointless. Im putting all the usual fronts and barriers up for my wife and family but I think even they can see the cracks appearing now. Im lost, sat listening to the same song over and over again with nothing else in my mind but trying to find an exit. It was ridiculous to even consider children when I know im not well but it will give me something to live for, something to provide for.

    You came in, That's what my little heart was looking for, Laughter in the rain, Feeling like a fool in love again
    The laughter came When the tears stopped falling, Now all I do is just call your name
    You walked in and my heart discovered That my life would never be the same Oh, you are my destiny
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2012
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