I have made a few attempts one in July last year, then September, then November, then last May. Have noticed that they seem to be 9 weeks apart except for the last one, I did go on holidays in February though. Feeling the urge again. Anybody else have these urges in a sort of pattern? I am due to see the psych on Monday. I feel an urge to self harm with medication. I am not on any, but feel I need a break for awhile. If I woke up in hospital in a coma I wouldn't care. When I see the psych or counsellor I feel really happy whilst seeing them and laugh and tell jokes. They tell me that I am very bubbly and hard to pick (as being suicidal). I think I must be the happiest suicidal person they have ever seen. I used to use my appointments with my old counsellor to help keep me going, but am not really that close to the psych at the moment, can take her or leave her. If she rang and cancelled my appointment I wouldn't be disappointed not like I was with the last counsellor. I am just existing at the moment, with no goals to look forward to.