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feeling to much, yet nothing

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Want to say sorry to everyone: For being such an awfull person,, for not being there when you need me, for making everything worser, for not caring about you, for not caring about me, though I only think about myself.

I might have thought I think of others, but I guess hiding and lying about my alcoholproblem, selfharm and eating disorder, isnt really what a good friend or daughter does. So I guess I dont care anymore. The only person I can think of is me. Just dont want to stop drinking, cutting or throwing up. I'm even talking lately to much about myself on msn, I dont want to talk about myself, I dont want to worrie others, I dont want you to know what I feel or what I did. Why am I turning into that person I hate? That person who wants attention all the time.

Just dont be suprised if you wont see me anymore in a few months. Maybe its suicide, maybe I just dumped you all. Thats what I do with everyone I see as a friend. Its not because I hate, I love you. But you all are getting to close and I dont want to hurt you.
I dont know, maybe I do hate you, when you're telling me about your deadline, when you're telling me someone will get you, when you're telling me you'll use drugs again, when you're telling me you're to afraid to go out. You all are so amazing, its such a shame you dont really live. You all could have such a wonderfull life, instead of that, you're staying behind your pc, using drugs, alcohol, selfharm, eating disorderds, feeling sorry for yourself. And you know it, you know you can do something about it, but just want to take the easy way. You all look like me and that disgusts me.

Argh.. it feels like I only can feel hate lately, oh and fear, afraid that you will leave me before I leave you, afraid I never be who I want to be, afraid that I will feel like this forever. My cuts will get deeper, will be a walking skeleton, a drunk wife or mom. I see no hope anymore, no future. The only thing I see lately is me committing suicide...

I dont know what to say anymore, I dont know nothing at all lately. I'm sorry for the rambling, for saying things I shouldnt have said. But I really want the best for you and how you living now, is far from it. I'm sorry for everything that I've done, I'll do. I love you all

Sa Palomera

Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry I've been so damn ignorant, hun :sad:

Please know that you can always talk to me, I know you probably don't want to but PLEASE talk. I'll be here for you. I know who you are and I care a whole lot for you. I'm so sorry for being so ignorant lately. I'm here for you :hug: :hug: :arms:
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