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Feeling totally at peace and thus more unwell

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by warrabinda, Dec 2, 2011.

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  1. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    so the past two weeks have been possibly the worst. anniversary of an event. lots of reminders plus, if i may, messages from god that i need to kill myself because i am evil. for a week there i was incredibly teary, desperate, but ultimately couldn't go through with it. the other day two things happened (triggers) and something...snapped. i just became calm. i have totally accepted, and am at peace with, the fact i will die. i don't want help. i have always been terrified or ambivalent of death;not now. that fear that kept me here is gone. i feel relieved that i won't have to battle this anymore. the only thing that's keeping me here is trying to come to terms with how this will affect my parents. it is incredibly selfish and i think i may talk to someone just about this, but i don't want to stay alive.
    i've read the literature; hell i read books on suicide (i.e. kay redfield jamiesons book) to make myself feel more... comforted. i work in clinical practice so there's lots of medical stuff. i have been in a depression and i am coming out of it, i feel bursting with energy. i know this is the most dangerous time but i'm so relieved it's happened.
    there was a post about feeling euphoric when/during an attempt. i don't feel euphoric but i feel completely at peace....as opposed to completely feeling a mess of emotions and wanting to hurt myself. i don't feel distressed at all. ​
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm glad you're here. I care. I hope you'll stick around, you can get lots of support and encouragement here.

    Are you talking to someone who can help you?

    And you're right to think about your parents, but there are also more people that you realize that would be devastated.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Keep talking to us hun it help to have someone listen and care I do hope you keep yourself safe for the people who love you hun hugs
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