Feeling triggered, just need a way out.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by flowers, Aug 12, 2012.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am feeling so triggered. I live in a controlling condo complex. The president is mean spirited. Sort of like a high school bully who convinces her clique to bully other people. Except she is 70 years old. The mean treatment of someone got so bad that it will end up costing everyone who lives here, a lot of money. I cannot explain more. I have to be careful what I write.

    the newest thing is that we are now required to have furnaces, water heaters, fireplaces ( even if we do not use them) serviced and inspected annually. And the clothes drier vent cleaned out. By oct 1st we also must have a new water heater, even if ours is working well. Proof must be provided by oct 1st, for all services, and inspections.

    Now certain board members have become " inspectors" who are in charge of collecting all of the data from each neighbor. But the way it is done is more like a police state than a neighborhood. Its horrible. We have until the Oct 1st to provide all the info and proof to whichever inspector is our inspector.

    But last week we got forms which requires us to fill out stating when the last time we had each thing inspected or serviced. Even though the work is not due until oct 1st. The info on the form was due on sat the 11th. yesterday. I did provide all the information required.

    but the inspectors emailed me telling me they want photocpies of all the work and inspections I said were done. I emailed back telling the inspectors ( aka neighbors of my little condo assocation) that I thought the proof was due on Oct 1st. I got an email saying that yes it is due on Oct 1st. But for work and inspections that were already done they would like the proof by monday the 13th. I could not believe it. why didnt they say that on the form. I did not make photocopies of that yet. thinking I had time. I do not want to live in a police state. I do not want to live in a place where someone who I thought was a good neighbor and friend has become my inspector. And I have 2 inspectors I am communicating with. The grand pubah and then the one she passed my name off to. Because she cannot control it for all 24 condos. things were so controlling and mean spirited before this. I thought these inspectors were two of the non controlling people. The control. The non neighborly like attitudes. We have to mail out condo association checks to a post office box. And then the neighbor goes to the post office to bring the mail back to the condo. We cannot bring it to her condo. I cant go into too much more detail because I am afraid of what would happen if they found out I was talking about them online.

    And I cannot even talk about the law suit that is happening. Anyway, i am agoraphobic. I do not have the money to repair things in order to sell the condo. I am emotionally and physically unable to move. I do not have support people who could help to make this possible. and mentally I cannot fight my way out of a paper bag let alone finding the money to get this place worthy of being sold. Cleaning it out, packingit up. Selling it and buying a new palce. It is not possible. I am very triggered. The only way out is when I die. I just want that to be tonight in my sleep.

    I know someone who says when she has to drop things off for me, she cant get out fast enough,. because the energy in this complex is so bad. She says my condo is not so bad. But the area is horrible. She says she has a lot of friends who live in condos. But no one has a board who is as controlling as this one. And she has not even heard about the inspectors. And the new demands.

    Pesticides were applied here last week. It is illegal, state law, for the company to do that without giving prior notice. I asked the president if she would mind if I reported the company for applying it without giving any notice. She got all upset and told me she doesnt want me to do that. So I cant even protect my lungs and body from toxins by having notice to close my windows. And then my potted plants. I told her certing things I think. Then I got to feel guilty because I opened my mouth. It made her very angry. Very upset. Very agitated. And very defensive. But she owned nothing. Everyone else is unreasonable. And she is unappreciated. And I got to blame myself for having opened my mouth too much. Then wanting to die.

    Then I got home and found out that the inspectors aka neighbors want me to provide proof to see I am telling the truth, by monday. I hate myself for my responses. i was very formal. Writing back in a business style email. And then writing at the bottom bbc: to someone. So they will know they are being watched. I feel I over reacted and I hate myself. I am just very triggered. Very very triggered. I blame myself for reacting. I always somehow blame myself. Then I get even more triggered. Then I want to die. Thats all I want. I want out !!! Sorry for going on and on like this. But I am very triggered and in a huge self hate mode, as well as triggered by the absurd control
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun why hate you YOu are not the one that is making everyones life hell. If you can hun just get out ok your health does not need this. Sell the place the way it is and move into a place that has freedom hun someon should report these people they really are going to far.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    thanks V. It is my fault that I cannot roll with the punches like other neighbors do. And no I cannot sell. I am agoraphobic. And unable to even pack or sell or buy. There is no way I would survive this. I am not physically or emotionally capable. But thank you for the vote of confidence :hug:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You should not have to roll with punches hun that is just it. Is there no way to take legal action against the owners that are harassing you so much. I am sorry hun you have to live like this hugs
  5. thorns_all_over

    thorns_all_over Green Thumb Staff Alumni

    I'm not so sure it's legal for them to have those kind of rules forced onto you, after all it's not impacting anything but your own four walls. Forcing you to buy things for your own condo, things that are inside...but you don't need. Anyway...
    Good luck!
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Legal action is already being taken against them. They have a lawsuit pending against them. The problem is that we all have to pay for any lawsuits. Because it is an association. I will have to pay 1/24 of the lawyers cost and judgement against the board. Because I am part of the association. And the board refuses to accept any responsability for their actions. They are always right no matter what. The board is resigning. And no one is willing to take their place. So we will be an assocation without a board. I think that the board will somehow keep operating as committees. Because people who need control really cannot stop.

    I got an email from the grand inspector ("Grand" is my word. As in "Grand wizzard". Or "grand puba") She told me to get the photocopies done whenever I can. That the date of thr 13th was arbitraty. So adding the bcc at the bottom of the email did the trick. I still am not sure how I will afford to pay my share of the lawsuit that it pending. even if I moved, which I cannot, I would still have to somehow pay for that. It would not be the buyers responsability.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Can you guys include in the lawsuit that all fees will be paid by them should they lose? I know you are an association, but even at that i am not sure they can force you to pay. Especially when you do not have the means. I would try not to stress too much over everything that has not yet happened because it does little good and only makes you feel worse. Question-What will they do if none of you comply to their demands? If the lawsuit has been filed and is pending, I believe everything remains status quo until it has been resolved. :dunno:
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Is there some form of free legal advice you can seek flowers..in my country it's called "legal aid'' and is free to anyone with hardship..
    I'm sorry you're going through this..sounds like a nightmare place to live with those controlling you.. :hug:
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks Gentlelady :hug: I think I found the way to settle this for the time being in my mind. I really have liked this young woman who started the lawsuit. We have a very good relationship. I have given her things. Most recently potted basil plants. I supported her when she was being attacked. I have a good relationship with her and her new boyfriend who also lives there and is a resident in neurosurgery. ykes !!! So I am pretending that she remembers this, and from the money she receives she will remember me and make sure i have the money to pay my share. It may be a fairytale. But its better than projecting fear. yes? The other thing I am trying to do is to surroound all the offenders with light. Each and every day. And to ask loving spirit to provide them with what they need. I feel the light myself when I do it. So there is that added benefit.

    As far as the condo association overriding the board, that will not happen. It is a very small association. And everyone is very polite. Except for the offenders. No one creates any kind of a fuss. I guess the only way to handle this is to send them light. And to ask for the best for them. The Ghandi solution :) As you can see,
    i am not as triggered today. The inspector backed off really fast when she read that a bcc of her request had been sent to an unknown man. She does not want to be in more hot water than she is currently in with legal stuff. So she sent an email back to me saying the dates were arbitrary. And to get the photocopies to her at my convenience :D my fictitious attorney always helps out when 'i write cc to him on letters. I only have to use him once every decade or so. But hes a good guy to have around, lol. thank you for the support. I just have to be very careful to project good thoughts, if i am projecting into the future at all.
    :pinkrose: :rose:
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    IV, we do have legal aid here for people who are low income and qualify for it. But this has to do with the condo association board. The board or assocation does not qualify. i do not qualify for legal aid in this particular case. Because it is already in litigation. And I am not one of the named people in the suit. The lawyer for the association who is working on this has made it clear, it is important that the entire association does not know about it. I was told by the presiednt that when it is time, we will have to have a meeting to decide what to do ( re the money). until then we will not know. The time to consider legal aid is when I know what is going on and what my financial involvement will be. And even then, legal aid probably would not touch it if many of us contest it. Because I am likely the only low income resident. I am working with legal aid now on a health insurance issue. It looks like i am not in the system. but I am. So doctors offices cannot find me in the system and end up billing me instead of where they should. :hug: :rose:
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just hoping you are ok flowers hugs toyou
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You hun need to talk to someone ok You reach out to your doctor you go to hospital please flowers i am trying so hard to send you some light hun please let the light come in
    I am so sorry you are suffering so hun hugs
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