feeling triggered, trying not to relapse

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by littleshadow, Dec 5, 2013.

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  1. littleshadow

    littleshadow Member

    It's been three weeks since I last harmed. The burns are just puffs of pink and white skin now and I find them incredibly embarrassing and ugly. I don't feel like I want to hurt myself anymore but I don't know. I just feel so lonely and empty today and sometimes when I look at the scars I remember how it felt and how, at the time, I thought it helped.
    I listened to an old album today, one I thought only held good memories but partway through I was crying and now I feel that ache behind my eyes like I either want to sleep or drown. I know I can do this. I can, can't I? I can be strong, right? I'm on my last chance with so many people. If I do this, they'll be gone and I really don't want to push myself even farther away from people. I only feel lonely because I make myself feel that way.
    I hate this. I hate when it feels like it is finally over and then it all rushes back at a random moment. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    sure you can be strong.

    do you have a good album you can listen to?. 1 that you like with no bad memories. maybe the bad album you can hide somewhere so you can't find it

    as for the sh, it's hard to break... if you start up again, you know it will be difficult to stop

  3. littleshadow

    littleshadow Member

    thanks for the advice and the support. I just threw myself into my school work today and that seemed to help me forget about being lonely. I think what is keeping me from sh the most right now is the thought of going home for the holidays and having my nephews ask me about my scars in front of everyone, but that just might be enough to break the cycle this time! fingers crossed!
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