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Feeling unattractive.

#1
I've been dealing with my appearance for a few years.

I'm gay and i've been single for 8 years already, and when me and my ex broke up, i didnt have much of a problem with my self-steem because our relationship was mostly good. After that i dated a few guys, and while they usually told me the typical stuff "i like you", "you're handsome"...they all ended up "disappearing" all of a sudden. The next day they wouldnt answer my messages, or my calls, or simply they'd go all out like "i dont wanna see you anymore" and blocked me. In some cases i learned they ended up dating or making out with someone else. This last guy i dated told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship cause he had not eough time; a couple months later he confessed he had second thoughts and decided to give it a try and have a relationship...with someone else.

After these experiences, my self-steem was the most affected, and i started thinking that maybe i wasnt attractive enough for someone to be into me, along with the idea that i had nothing good to give.

Gay world is all about the looks after all, so i started to go to the gym, but i didnt get the results i expected so i got deppressed because i felt i was wasting my time. Im not in the best shape, nor have the most attractive facial features or anything like that.

Right now i dont feel like dating or meeting new guys since i dont think anyone can actually love me, or at least, think im attractive enough to be "boyfriend material". Maybe its for the best cause who would want to date someone like me? I have a lot of deffects, i tend to be depressed, and im not the typical "hot guy" most people look for. Why waste my time dating someone if it always ends the same?...
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
you are right in the sense that gay is a little tougher than straight when it comes to dating. but one night stands or temporary relationships some people do go after looks first and that goes for straight or gay (or any orientation ) . but someone looking for a long term relationship will put what you are like as a person first and foremost. so if you are kind and compassionate and are generally a good person you should have no problem. and not everyone has a hot body most people look good or average so there are a lot of people out there that don't care if you are hot or not...mike....*hug*shake
 

Inanimate

Well-Known Member
#3
Sexual attraction is just a means to an end as far as earnest dating goes. In other words, itโ€™s a start. It seems unlikely that those men dated you just to patronize you by going out of their way to find attractive personality traits in someone theyโ€™re not sexually attracted to.

Whatever their reasoning, youโ€™re giving sexual attraction too much credit, yet not enough to your own. Iโ€™m not denying that hypersexuality and hook-up culture exists among gay men. No doubt that nonsense is frustrating and soul-crushing to meander through in a world that is restricted to begin with.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#4
I've never gay-dated but I know that romantic relationships are complete garbage in general. At least homosexual relationships can't lead to spawning more suffering-vessels. About the gym, check for deficiencies in sleep and diet, if nothing works then copy some program online and stick to it 100%. There are a shit ton of ripped guys on youtube giving advice on that stuff.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#5
I've been dealing with my appearance for a few years.

I'm gay and i've been single for 8 years already, and when me and my ex broke up, i didnt have much of a problem with my self-steem because our relationship was mostly good. After that i dated a few guys, and while they usually told me the typical stuff "i like you", "you're handsome"...they all ended up "disappearing" all of a sudden. The next day they wouldnt answer my messages, or my calls, or simply they'd go all out like "i dont wanna see you anymore" and blocked me. In some cases i learned they ended up dating or making out with someone else. This last guy i dated told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship cause he had not eough time; a couple months later he confessed he had second thoughts and decided to give it a try and have a relationship...with someone else.

After these experiences, my self-steem was the most affected, and i started thinking that maybe i wasnt attractive enough for someone to be into me, along with the idea that i had nothing good to give.

Gay world is all about the looks after all, so i started to go to the gym, but i didnt get the results i expected so i got deppressed because i felt i was wasting my time. Im not in the best shape, nor have the most attractive facial features or anything like that.

Right now i dont feel like dating or meeting new guys since i dont think anyone can actually love me, or at least, think im attractive enough to be "boyfriend material". Maybe its for the best cause who would want to date someone like me? I have a lot of deffects, i tend to be depressed, and im not the typical "hot guy" most people look for. Why waste my time dating someone if it always ends the same?...
It sounds a lot like dating in the non gay area too.

Do you want to take a break from dating? Sometimes a good way to meet people is through friends rather than the dating sites bcz the sites can be really hard to sort through. Some more than others are geared more towards hooking up.

Keep working on yourself, if you have the energy. F#$k those guys @LukaRedgrave. Your time will come and they (whoever they are when you least expect it).

You know, a person that loves you, loves the whole person, your thoughts, spirit, history, and your body, hair, what makes up your body. That person is worth waiting for. Try to be patient and be gentle with yourself. People can be real assholes in the dating world and there are some nice ones, so don't lose hope
 
#6
Do you want to take a break from dating? Sometimes a good way to meet people is through friends rather than the dating sites bcz the sites can be really hard to sort through. Some more than others are geared more towards hooking up.
I actually took a break precisely because of those experiences, i started to feel it was just a waste of time and i would end up heart broken again in the end. :(
 

Riley Z.

๐–‡๐–Š๐–ˆ๐–”๐–’๐–Ž๐–“๐–Œ ๐–‹๐–—๐–Š๐–Š
#7
I get how you feel. When I was single, I'd try and remind myself that those type of people are dodged nightmares if they leave you because of your appearance. Youthful appearance and health is often temporary, and to truly have a love that lasts into old age, you have to look at what's in your partner's heart and soul and cherish them for who they are. The men out there prioritizing appearance don't seem to understand that and, subsequently, don't care. I'm sorry you had to be with those people. It also seemed like the men you got into contact with had alternative reasons from leaving - seems like they're having commitment issues as well, which really sucks. But it speaks more about them than it is things within your control.

Best of luck
 
#8
I've been dealing with my appearance for a few years.

I'm gay and i've been single for 8 years already, and when me and my ex broke up, i didnt have much of a problem with my self-steem because our relationship was mostly good. After that i dated a few guys, and while they usually told me the typical stuff "i like you", "you're handsome"...they all ended up "disappearing" all of a sudden. The next day they wouldnt answer my messages, or my calls, or simply they'd go all out like "i dont wanna see you anymore" and blocked me. In some cases i learned they ended up dating or making out with someone else. This last guy i dated told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship cause he had not eough time; a couple months later he confessed he had second thoughts and decided to give it a try and have a relationship...with someone else.

After these experiences, my self-steem was the most affected, and i started thinking that maybe i wasnt attractive enough for someone to be into me, along with the idea that i had nothing good to give.

Gay world is all about the looks after all, so i started to go to the gym, but i didnt get the results i expected so i got deppressed because i felt i was wasting my time. Im not in the best shape, nor have the most attractive facial features or anything like that.

Right now i dont feel like dating or meeting new guys since i dont think anyone can actually love me, or at least, think im attractive enough to be "boyfriend material". Maybe its for the best cause who would want to date someone like me? I have a lot of deffects, i tend to be depressed, and im not the typical "hot guy" most people look for. Why waste my time dating someone if it always ends the same?...
I've been dealing with my appearance for a few years.

I'm gay and i've been single for 8 years already, and when me and my ex broke up, i didnt have much of a problem with my self-steem because our relationship was mostly good. After that i dated a few guys, and while they usually told me the typical stuff "i like you", "you're handsome"...they all ended up "disappearing" all of a sudden. The next day they wouldnt answer my messages, or my calls, or simply they'd go all out like "i dont wanna see you anymore" and blocked me. In some cases i learned they ended up dating or making out with someone else. This last guy i dated told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship cause he had not eough time; a couple months later he confessed he had second thoughts and decided to give it a try and have a relationship...with someone else.

After these experiences, my self-steem was the most affected, and i started thinking that maybe i wasnt attractive enough for someone to be into me, along with the idea that i had nothing good to give.

Gay world is all about the looks after all, so i started to go to the gym, but i didnt get the results i expected so i got deppressed because i felt i was wasting my time. Im not in the best shape, nor have the most attractive facial features or anything like that.

Right now i dont feel like dating or meeting new guys since i dont think anyone can actually love me, or at least, think im attractive enough to be "boyfriend material". Maybe its for the best cause who would want to date someone like me? I have a lot of deffects, i tend to be depressed, and im not the typical "hot guy" most people look for. Why waste my time dating someone if it always ends the same?...
Well, Iโ€™m attractive. And I literally at times feel like itโ€™s a death sentence. I get harassed by worthless men regularly. They pretend like they want to help me with my career and they just want to fk me. They have wives and girlfriends... some, both at the same time. Being attractive doesnโ€™t help with rent, buying a house, or advancing my career. I just end up dating men who are beautiful liars who suck the life out of me. Be careful what u ask for. My life would certainly be better if I were not as attractive. Iโ€™m a magnet for shitty humans. By all means you can have it.
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#9
Ok gay or not the first thing I read is 8 years with out a relationship that must have been hard I was in a relationship for 12 years and now nothing after 1 year yeah its ok to be single but I miss waking up next to someone.

I am sorry Luka I wish you will find someone that loves you and you love them *hug
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#10
I've never gay-dated but I know that romantic relationships are complete garbage in general. At least homosexual relationships can't lead to spawning more suffering-vessels. About the gym, check for deficiencies in sleep and diet, if nothing works then copy some program online and stick to it 100%. There are a shit ton of ripped guys on youtube giving advice on that stuff.
I've watched videos on narcissists and dating and they were helpful. We live in amazing times @Legate Lanius where we can get info if we want.
 

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