Feeling .. uncertain

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jessikah2k8, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    I have been seeing my boyfriend now for 8 weeks. He's lovely.. he's 4 years older than me and he's 18. I am 14, nearly 15. He is almost 19.

    I love him with all my heart.. but I can't help but think about the old days. You see.. I knew his brother, who is just a couple of months older than me, before him. We got on well. It's just.. even though I'm happy with my boyfriend.. there's still a spark between me and his brother.

    There was never a relationship between me and Jay (his brother). Jay was my good friend and he openly admitted he fancied me, and I fancied him.. but not enough to actually go out with him. A few months later, his brother, ruined one of my relationships, told me to dump my boyfriend and then after I did so, I went out with Adam (my boyfriend).

    Adam had been very forceful.. not in a bad way.. he told me if I didn't want to do anything.. he wouldn't care.. he'd respect that.. but I felt wick.. so I did, and now we're sexually active.. but of course.. we use protection and are very careful. However, I go to his house and Jay would constantly be there.. he would always talk to me.. and so and so. Once Adam even went to the toilet and Jay came right in and put his arm round me. It feels weird, but I miss the days when I used to go out with Justin by myself and have a laugh. I miss the days.. the days when we were mates. We are still good friends but it's not the same.

    You never realise how much you had until it's gone.. and I'm beginning to wonder.. Jay is a womaniser. He goes from girl to girl. Adam is more settled. He loves me, and I love him fuck loads. He's the best thing to ever happen to me and I love him with all my heart. I just.. anytime Jay and I are left together it's like something is still there. He has all these other girls he goes out with.. and despite I have Adam.. I feel very jealous. Almost to the point where I'm physically crying and become obsessed with their whole relationship.. despite I have a loving and caring boyfriend of my own.

    Jay is a lovely boy. Anytime he gets dumped (about once every few days) he comes to me for advice. He broke down once and told me how he would never find anyone like me. He's always trying to split me and Adam up.. I can understand why as well. Nearly 2 years as mates.. and then I see his brother.. it's kind of harsh. A month before I seen Adam, me and Jay WERE getting closer.. we were holding hands and cuddling up. Then it kind of faded out. I can just notice I'm aways trying to do something to get his attention. I love Jay. He's amazing. It just took me this long to figure it out. I love Adam.. don't get me wrong.

    Would it be wrong if it didn't work out between me and Adam to try with his brother? I dunno if it will end with me and Adam.. we are pretty inseperable and very happy with each other. Jay, however.. I can't help but feel jealous all the time. And miss the old days. Especially with a boy my own age.

    Help?
     
  2. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    You're only 14, its healthy to be dating a variety of people, otherwise how are you going to know what kind of person best suits you when you're older? If you like Jay more than you like Adam, then go for it. Staying with someone you less than another isn't fair to anyone, not you, not Jay, and especialy not Adam. Yes, breaking up with Adam to be with Jay will be more difficult than staying with Adam and not doing anything, but its the right thing to do, and I think you might already know that. You need to do hard things in life to grow as a person, so don't be afraid.



    Also not to mention a relationship with someone your own age, the power will be alot more evenly balanced.
     
  3. Tux

    Tux Guest

    I think you should ask yourself. What do you really want? Is he worth the risk? Are you sure Justin still likes you? Sure enough?

    Also, how does this have to do with 'rape and abuse'? Is the forceful sexacts a problem? If they are, you should just talk to Adam about it.
     
  4. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Jay is in a relationship of his own. I don't like his ways. He is seeing a girl at the minute.. and she seems a bit of a slut. She's posing in her underwear and shit. Well.. I just don't like to see him get hurt either.

    I like Adam better of the two, but it's hard trying to set aside my feelings of Jay just like that. We had a great friendship and I valued that. I know I hurt him when I started seeing his brother- but Adam's a great person. I reassure Adam I'm fine.. but sometimes I'm not. I could be under the duvet, wanting a snuggle and his hand would go down my trousers. Just as I take it out, a few minutes he would do it again despite I say not to. He's a lovely lad I know he means no harm to me.

    I just can't help feeling jealous of Justin and his relationships. I dunno whether it would just take time or what..
     
  5. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    at 14 I doubt your mentally ready for any sort of romantic relationship..I am not sure if thats mentally healthy at all even know 'random teen' dating is common in western culture now day's.
     
  6. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Jay's head is still shoved firmly up his own ass at that age, and it is obvious in the way he seeks attention-whoring girl after attention-whoring girl even when he says he wants to find a girl like you. That says to me he isn't trying very hard and is actually content going about things the way he is.

    If you leave Adam for Jay, you'll have set yourself up to get hurt because I guarantee you Jay won't stop doing the shit he is doing. In addition to that, you will create bad blood between Adam and yourself as well as between Adam and Jay.
     
  7. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Jay's got a new girl *shrugs*. Adam loves me more than anybody. I'm contented enough feeling that. It's just, I really miss the days when I had a proper friendship with Justin. I still do- we're good friends but it's not the same. Maybe I should ring him up and ask him to come out for a while as friends for some quality time? Just to catch up with himself and his other friends whom used t be my good friends. But of course, he has Amy now. And Adam is usually working weekdays.

    I'm going to try to get to know Amy, so that maybe one day in the Easter hols I can go out with them both without any tension.
     
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I suggest you to follow your heart!:)
     
  9. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    make up your mind
     
  10. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Well...at least you're not our whoring around like "other girls your age." Although, I'm not sure if having a crush on your loving boyfriend's brother is a good thing either. Even if you haven't engaged in slutty action your thoughts are...not the most wholesome.

    You are only 14 though. If things don't work out with your bf I don't suggest dating his brother because then when you and his brother break up none of you are likely to remain good friends.

    In the future you should allow yourself plenty of time to find the right person before deciding to start a sexual relationship. And speaking from experience finding someone your own age would probably be a better idea. I hope things work out for you.
     
  11. thedudeabides

    thedudeabides Active Member

    darklogic there is nothing "unwholesome" about what she has said, she is being entirely honest and she has a respectable question dont be unkind and judge people. especially if you are going to turn around and say "you are only 14" how can you judge someone and then tell them they are too young to know any better? please be more careful with your words especially when someone asks you for help.
     
  12. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    I dunno.. I'm not.. I just care about Jay a lot. This girl poses in her UNDERWEAR.. I dunno.. I just don't want to see him get hurt. We've agreed to go out to town some day this week as it's been a while (obviously as friends). I just miss the days where I was out with him every weekend because obviously going out with his brother has changed that. I think Adam would be a bit worried considering he KNOWS Jay fancies me and he's my own age.

    I'm probably not gonna tell Adam I'm going out to town with Jay and his friend, Jonny. Jay and his girl have been going out for a week now, and he's already so OBSESSED with her. He says he's going to get engaged next year if they are still together and how he loves her more than anyone. I had a huge arguement with him saying why is he doing this to himself because it's stupid.. and he asked me why I was so worried about his relationships. I broke down and told him I really missed him, so we've arranged to go out some day.

    I'm being honest.. now that Jay is gone.. I realise how much he really meant to me. Adam snatched my phone off me the other day and checked my messages and phone book.. and wouldn't give me back my phone. I have a really good friend in America who rings me, and he was making really sick, crude jokes about how I'm having all these affairs behind his back.. then when he saw me crying, he went out, bought me a necklace and chocolate gave me a hug and told me he was sorry for doing that and that he trusts me and not to worry.

    My friend turned her nose up at this, and said it was a little bit controlling. I dunno.. Jay obviously is head over heels in love with Amy.. and I am with Adam.. but at the back of my mind it's always there.. what "could have been". I just care so much for him and couldn't bear to see him hurt.