Feeling unimportant and useless...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Rhydian, Apr 22, 2015.

  1. Rhydian

    Rhydian Active Member

    Even on this forum, I feel like others have bigger issues than me. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way, I mean that my issues seem so small in comparison. And yet, I still have them nonetheless.

    So where should I start. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with a rare brain malformation called Schizencephaly. This caused seizures, mostly at night. But I had one during the day, and fell and hit my head on my desk on the way down. But, now I'm just rambling. Anyways, due to this disability (which causes the left side of my body to be weak to the point of nigh uselessness) I can't find/keep a job. So, his year I'm going through the arduous path toward disability benefits. All while my mother, dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis, is supporting me. While I take care of her because she is often extremely sore. The medication I'm taking makes me drowsy, which I have gotten used to. But recently life has lost its joy, and I find it hard to even bother to feed myself.

    Now for the fun part. No one else knows this, so hurray for anonymity, but I'm gay. Or at least, I like guys. And before I lost interest in life, I started liking my best friend. He is the only thing that makes me happy, and when we hang out, I am genuinely happy. But with my busy schedule, going everywhere with my mom in case she hurts herself or has trouble doing something, who gives me no ounce of gratitude (other than letting me live with her). I haven't seem him in about a month. And I really miss him right now. But, I also have this idea in my mind that maybe I should suppress my homosexuality. If it causes this much pain, it can't be a good part of me.

    I don't think I'm actively suicidal, but lately I've noticed my eyes lingering on things. When I take my pills, I wonder if maybe I should take a couple extra, or going down stairs, if I should miss a step.

    So, that's my story. Sorry if I wasted anybody's time.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, firstly you are NOT wasting anyone's time. Looking after your mum a day dealing with your own problem is hard. You are courageous in doing and there is nothing wrong in you feeling low. You are going through a tough time and you are seeking support which you truly deserve.

    Never think you are wasting time but use this forum to release the worries and woes of daily life you are currently going through. Yes, there is no magic wand but you deal like the rest of us on day to day basis. I know its hard but members of this forum do understand what you going through.

    Use the diary function to write your thoughts as it will help you. Don't worry now, we are here help and listen.
  3. Rhydian

    Rhydian Active Member

    Thanks, Unknown. It just seemed like nobody else understood what I was going through. The usual "Your mother is going through a lot, and she let's you stay there for free" thing was getting old. Just because she's going through a lot doesn't give her the right to treat me like ****.

    That's why I came here, in hopes that I would find understanding people, not the "suck it up" people.

    So, thanks again.
  4. Aether

    Aether Well-Known Member

    Hi Rhydian! Welcome to SF.

    There will always be someone who has it worse than you, but that definitely does not mean your issues are not important. Don't ever think you're wasting anyone's time by talking about them.

    It's very thoughtful of you to be taking care of your mother, but don't forget you have to take care of yourself too. I'm sorry people have been insensitive to your feelings. Most folks here are really friendly, so I hope you'll find this place helpful and get all the support you need. Don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I think coming out gay is one of the hardest thing a person goes through. What about seeing a therapist about it. All of the issues you mentioned are major ones not minor ones anyways
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Rhydian, we have met already but wanted to say an official hello here :) One thing we don't do here is compare issues, serves no one any good and we all deal with things differently too. Welcome =)
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Was nice to see you in chat and I hope to see you there more :)

    Your issues are not smaller or larger than anybody else on here - they are your issues and the ones you are struggling to deal with. If you want help or support then this is a good place to get that. I am glad you found us here.

    - Ben
  8. Rhydian

    Rhydian Active Member

    Thanks, everyone. My short time here has already helped me quite a bit.

    I came here under the impression that most people only cared about themselves, and at least about the people here, I was wrong. It helps just knowing that people can actually care about other people.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awwww, I am so glad we have been able to help you feel better in yourself, I think you are a great person with a great personality :)