Even on this forum, I feel like others have bigger issues than me. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way, I mean that my issues seem so small in comparison. And yet, I still have them nonetheless. So where should I start. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with a rare brain malformation called Schizencephaly. This caused seizures, mostly at night. But I had one during the day, and fell and hit my head on my desk on the way down. But, now I'm just rambling. Anyways, due to this disability (which causes the left side of my body to be weak to the point of nigh uselessness) I can't find/keep a job. So, his year I'm going through the arduous path toward disability benefits. All while my mother, dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis, is supporting me. While I take care of her because she is often extremely sore. The medication I'm taking makes me drowsy, which I have gotten used to. But recently life has lost its joy, and I find it hard to even bother to feed myself. Now for the fun part. No one else knows this, so hurray for anonymity, but I'm gay. Or at least, I like guys. And before I lost interest in life, I started liking my best friend. He is the only thing that makes me happy, and when we hang out, I am genuinely happy. But with my busy schedule, going everywhere with my mom in case she hurts herself or has trouble doing something, who gives me no ounce of gratitude (other than letting me live with her). I haven't seem him in about a month. And I really miss him right now. But, I also have this idea in my mind that maybe I should suppress my homosexuality. If it causes this much pain, it can't be a good part of me. I don't think I'm actively suicidal, but lately I've noticed my eyes lingering on things. When I take my pills, I wonder if maybe I should take a couple extra, or going down stairs, if I should miss a step. So, that's my story. Sorry if I wasted anybody's time.