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Feeling useless and unwanted

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wraithspassage, Apr 18, 2009.

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  1. I just feel like there's so much wrong with me. I have too many hurtles to overcome.

    Serious Depression, leading to unreliability at jobs and friends and family. I'm frustrating to be around

    Hearing Problems – I can't hear what people say in situations where they don't speak clearly above the ambient background noise. Much worse than most people. I can't hear in malls, over cell phones, clubs.

    Dyslexia – I can't spell anything and need spell check around at all times.

    Slowness – I'm very slow at anything I do, thinking, speech, typing, writing.

    Asbergers syndrome – I have problems in many social situations. I'm unable to really hold conversations about frivolous things like the weather. Not that I don't want too, just that I never know what to say. I have problems with eye contact and being assertive inside of group chat situations.

    No official training or education.

    Shotty resume with lots of blanks.

    Bad economy.

    I know I'm focusing on the bad things right now. I'm overwhelmed with them. I just want to give up. I've been semi seriously considering suicide again. I'm considering just leaving and going to some home or whatever and giving up on ever being a functioning asset of society.

    I feel like I have no one to turn too. I have one friend that I don't want to talk to any more because she is an ex of mine and things are just too complicated. My family is frustrated with me and are starting to feel like I'm a drain on them. I feel like they know what's going on but just feel helpless and frustrated and angry at me. In fact my father explicitly said that to me a few days ago.

    I'm 27, with no prospects.

    I just want this misery to end.
  2. katmandu1

    katmandu1 SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend

    First off, welcome to the forum!

    I'm sorry you are having such a hard time of it hun. :hug: You are right though, you are focusing all your attention on the negative, which is a major drawback of depression!! One positive quality that I see in you right off, is that you are very intellegent. I'm sure I would find even more positive things about you if given the oppertunity to get to know you. I'm a crappy speller too, so you'll have to forgive me:tongue:.

    It's very hard for people who have never had depression to understand what it's like and they can get frustrated because they just don't know what to do! It's hard on loved ones. I know I've put my mother through hell on many occasions. It's hard when you don't feel understood. Are you seeing a therapist or counsellor? You might find that very helpful...someone who will listen and advise if needed.

    Tell us more about yourself...have you been depressed long?

  3. been depressed since about 19. I've gone though every course in my city for depression at least once. my parents understand yet it does not alleviate their frustration.

    I know I've been well when I've had a reasonable job where I've been respected for what I do. It's just very hard to find it while being slow. Yes I'm intelligent (A's in university level sciences & math) however I have never been able to finish post secondary because of falling behind after depressive episodes.

    Low end jobs rarely come with any respect or appreciation considering you're a dime a dozen and expendable, furthermore I'm quite horrible at them considering they are usually performance based... as in how fast you can do it... remember I'm horribly slow and unreliable.

    I get money therapy and all these programs... fuck just give me a job.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Like Kathy said, you seem like a very intelligent person. You were focusing on all the negatives, but I know there have got to be positives too.

    You can PM me if you ever want to talk.
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