Feeling useless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rack08, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. rack08

    rack08 New Member

    Hi people.

    My new year isn't starting out so great. I'm at the low end of a cycle I've been through before. I have the very dangerous habit of forgetting to get my medicine refilled and then making excuses for months because I'm too embarrassed. It just feeds itself and eventually I end up where I am now. Feeling too useless to exist.

    I feel like the difference right now is that I don't have a close friend to turn to. I have a continuous feeling of being nothing more than a burdensome tag-along to me friends most of the time, and it's just been compounded by the party I was at last night.

    I got much to drunk and some folks got me settled into a bed to sleep, but I was feeling very bad and down and having a hard time sleeping. Then two of my friends got into the bed and literally started having sex right next to me. I was in too much of a bad state to get up, and I know they could hear me crying, but they just kept going. These were the two people I might actually have felt comfortable talking to about how low I've been lately and I just don't know who to turn to.

    All day I've been feeling hungover and miserable, and then I got some really ugly things said to me in an online forum, and now I'm just really needing someone to be supportive.

    So please, can someone just reach out to me.
  2. Junesong

    Junesong Member

    Firstly; get your meds. What's there to be embarrassed about? I know that's an easy question to ask from my side of the screen - but you didn't choose to be ill. Any reputable pharmacist will know better than to pass comment about what they're handing over, and then nobody else ever has to know! If you've been prescribed it you probably need it so please make sure you sort that out.

    If you need to unburden yourself please feel free to talk, there should be no shame in talking about your problems.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What your friends did was wrong and they are not friends at all Who ever said something to hurt you on this forum please report them okay This forum is for support not for hurting others. You are not useless but you do need to get back on your meds okay. I go off and on my meds too and i know how low i get without my meds. I am here and you can talk tome Just know these idiots that crawled into bed beside you were probably intoxicated NO EXCUSE though and you would be better off with out them in your life. Make new friends okay and please get back on those meds Let me know how you do okay let me know you have called your doctor and got refills and are starting them okay then i know you will start to feel better hugs
  4. rack08

    rack08 New Member

    To clarify, the person being a jerk on a forum was not on this forum.

    As for my friends, one of them apologized to me about it this afternoon. She felt really bad about it. The other one probably doesn't even remember it happening. I really like them, but I agree that my friendships with both of them tend to be toxic. I just haven't done a good job of making friends in the last several years. Now that I've graduated college I don't even know where to meet people so I feel like I'm stuck with the group I have even though I know they are hurting me. I feel like bad friends are better than no friends I guess.

    For three years I was dating someone, and I would go to her when I needed help or someone to talk to. We broke up last February, but I still haven't found a way to cope when I need to talk to someone. I feel like all my friends will just find me such a burden that they won't want to deal with me, and then I'll really be alone. I try really hard to not come across as a drama queen, but I think that's what I come across as.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is hard when you are still grieving a loss You need to rid yourself of these toxic friends i don't think bad friends are better then no friends they hold back from creating a better life for yourself. You can join new groups new activities a new class of interest to meet new people You will make new friends but you need to move forward now. You have had one girlfriend you can have others perhaps the next one will be even better hugs okay try to reach outside that box of yours and meet new people okay i think you are worth the effort hugs
  6. Junesong

    Junesong Member

    I guess the apology from one at least shows they realise it's wrong. Perhaps finding activity 'clubs' for lack of a better word, there might be some events local to you for things you're interested in that you could make friends at?

    Sometimes it can be bad to load all of your problems onto someone, and then to keep on about them. As compassionate as some humans can be you can't expect them to understand that it's not so easy to get over something as they think it should be. Try to find a good mix of talking to people here and someone you know in real life so as you don't become reliant on the internet but at the same time you aren't bringing your friend down every time you talk.
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    as the others said getting back on your meds will help alot. i think it's the first thing you need to take care off. did you call yet and get your prescription renewed?
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