feeling utterly defeated

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stitchesinash, Jan 12, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. stitchesinash

    stitchesinash New Member

    i don't know what else to do. nothing ever works out. no matter what i try or what i do to get ahead i get thrown or kicked 10 feet further back than where i started. for almost 2 years now i've been trying on my own to get on my feet, to regain my life after an 8 year abusive relationship. but there isn't any help apparently. and its all up to me. and i just can't do it....

    i'm tired of trying, tired of fighting...it just keeps getting worse and worse.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You have come here which is a positive action. Keep posting, people have similar experiences and can offer more useful advice.
    Are there shelters for abuse victims that can give you advice?

    What are you fighting?
  3. stitchesinash

    stitchesinash New Member

    i left my ex almost 2 years ago. My hopes were to get out and on my feet. Since then my mother within a week of staying with her booted me out when she was having a withdrawl episode from drugs, i then moved in with a friend of mine. Basically my friend lives in BFE. Miles from a town and even further from public transportation. I've struggle to find a job. I've basically put in for every job imaginable out there. But given that my ex wouldn't allow me to work which puts a gap in my work history and the fact that my hours have to match up with my friends work schedule just to get there, it's hard to find anyone to hire me. Because i'm unemployed and while with my ex i wasn't allowed to have my name on anything, nor own anything, i have no vehicle, and no credit to even help get one. I'm pretty much stuck where i am. Shelters tell me that I have a place to live, therefore i am not eligible for their services. I've contacted several agencies about assistance but run into the same brick wall. That brick wall is #1 i have a place to stay and #2 i everything within my area that offers other types of assistance are exhausted and have nothing they can offer at this time. For 2 years, this has been the same exact thing i've run into several times.

    i've been fighting my ex in court. He took me to court for custody of our children. Of course he owns his own home, has a job, and transportation, and i cannot afford a lawyer, the judge found him to be the childrens primary caregiver. He's abusive towards them when he has them, but most the time his parents have them. I've contacted CPS, and haven't gotten anywhere. They took pictures and looked into it, but nothing was ever done about the abuse. Now everytime i try to get my kids for visitation he cusses me, or tells me how i'm going to go to jail, or how i'm a bad parent, how i should just off myself.

    i've tried to keep going, but it's been almost 2 years, and i haven't gotten anywhere except further behind and deeper into a hole.

    i don't know what else to do. i'm just ready to give up. i'm spent my entire life fighting for everything, i'm just ready to admit my ex was right...i never was anything, and never would amount to anything but trash.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.