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Feeling very badly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JJJ50, Feb 16, 2014.

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  1. JJJ50

    JJJ50 Member

    I'm feeling very suicidal today. Stressed. Anxious about an upcoming test in school. For the last month I've felt very suicidal. I was admitted to the hospital on the 7th of this month and was released on the 11th. They changed my meds but I am still very suicidal. I feel like I need to be in the hospital again. My mom is staying with me until the 26th of this month. I feel so awful. I have plenty to live for but I'm not feeling it. I just feel miserable. I have virtually no will to live. I just don't know what to do. The doctors tell me to give the new medication time to work. I don't know that I have that much time. I'm now on 30 mg of Remeron (mirtazipine) and they increased my Seroquel (quetiapine) to 300 mg. I also have some Ambien to help me sleep at night or I'll never sleep. I didn't feel suicidal until the last month or so of taking Prozac.

    Anyway, positive self-talk has not been very helpful. I thought that having my mom here with me would make me feel better... I'm drowning. I feel every minute go by, and it feels like torture. Don't know what to do.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I agree with them, give the medications time to work. The seroquel should help stabilize your mood, help your anxiety and sleep. Mirtazapine is known as the sedating anti depressant and ambien is a strong sleeper. You should start to feel something soon. Please give them a chance as you said you have everything to live for so concentrate on beating this and you're not alone.
  3. JJJ50

    JJJ50 Member

    Thanks, Music. Feeling suicidal is so difficult to deal with. I gave my mom my sleeping pills to be on the safe side. If there were no one with me right now...
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I know, it is a very dark place to be in. I am glad you gave your mom your pills to be on the safe side. Very best of luck to you and keep posting shall you need to.
  5. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Good you are getting help and some caring advice.

    You will be feeling better soon.
  6. JJJ50

    JJJ50 Member

    I sure hope so. I'm afraid of when my mom leaves to go back home. She lives in Ohio and I'm in Florida. I feel so frantic inside. Time to meditate. That's the only thing that gives me even a sliver of relief. I wish the support of family and friends had more of an effect on me. The only relief I get is when I sleep and that is only with the help of Ambien. I have no refills on it. Don't know what I'll do when I run out. I suppose I shouldn't worry about that yet. I may be able to sleep decently without it anyway. As my mom says, "Don't go borrowing trouble".

    Thanks for your support, everyone.
  7. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Good for you for continuing to fight through this. I can't have sleeping pills around for i know I would abuse them. Very smart in having help there to be able to be safe. Give the meds more time for their full effect. Those suicidal thoughts are so hard to get through but you can. Try to concentrate on the schooling as much as you can to help distract from those thoughts. Wishing you well and good luck with the test.
  8. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Best way to sleep naturally is to try and busy yourself to become tired.

    Easier said than done sometimes i know, but works.
  9. Atalost

    Atalost Member

    Hi JJJ50
    It is a good idea to give meds time to work. Also eating healthy foods could help. You live in Florida, maybe try getting sunlight daily, taking a walk. I do understand what it feels like. I am struggling myself. I am hoping to get an appointment so that I can use meds to get me through. Hold on and while your mom is there be sure to get plenty of hugs. I would give almost anything to have my mom alive so that I could hug her and just cry. Hang in there. Feel free to reach out
  10. JJJ50

    JJJ50 Member

    Thanks, Atalost. It really does help to have her here. I would be coping even worse without her here.
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