Feeling very depressed and suicidal right now..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Unknown_Entity, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. Am I tough case? For the longest time I've felt depressed and suicidal. My brain has been auto-pilot for the past 12 years. From my mom calling me names like "f****t", to moving around a lot, skipping school, having no friends or love, I've become closed off from the world. I have no motivation to do anything and my parents are too selfish and only see me as a child still when I'm not a teen anymore. I've got a gun locked up downstairs. I really just need some help right now. How can I calm myself down if I feel so trapped?
  2. God. I don't know what to think right now..

    Where, what, how.. too many things at once. I want to go badly, but.. I'm just so afraid.

    I think I'm more worried about my dignity.. my "honor". I want to be looked at by everyone as a nice, gentle person. Argh, I don't know.

    Will someone please talk to me?
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Welcome to the site. There are lots of people out here that will listen to you if you just need to talk or vent. Hopefully we can help you in some way, even if it's to try and distract you while you're having a tough time.
  4. Yes, please.. only if you have the time and patience. I can't bring myself to.. I dunno.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You're at the right place, with a lot of caring, intelligent people. Stay awhile and check it out. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish; I respond to all.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Sure, I've got both time and patience. You can get through this. You don't have to do it alone.
  7. I've already started off bad here.

    I just haven't the personality to communicate well.. I'm sorry, but I don't think this is working out now.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You haven't started out bad. You're doing fine. Why do you feel like it's not working out?
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You said you are no longer in your teens and not a child although your mother still treats you as such. What keeps you living in this environment? Is it possible for you to move out? Are you undergoing any type of therapy for your thoughts and feelings? Thank you for reaching out to us here and taking steps to try and ride these terrible feelings out. If you need to, remember there are also crisis lines you can call where someone can talk with you. This can also be a good form of distraction. Stay here for as long as you need. I am certain you will get support from our forum. :hug:
  10. I will not talk to anyone except people I don't know. I can't stand the feeling that people know I have a problem in real life. It's not doable.

    I'm sort of "stuck here" per se. I may run away and crash at my older brother's house one day.. but that's only until I get his approval.

    I'm sitting here in my room.. door locked.. alone.. stupid parents are knocking on my door now and then. I just want to be left alone. I'm tired of my mundane job.. always feeling degraded.

    All my life I've been walked on by others.. in reality, I just find myself more outgoing when I do everything on my own. When I'm on my own, I feel as if I have a better grasp of things. I don't mean to be mean.. but maybe I need something to spark up my life? If my parents died, it would force me to be a man and go off on my own. Sadly, I think that's just an example of what.. I can't even think of such a sad thought. You get the idea, right?

    Right now.. I'm thinking of escaping the house to watch a movie by myself in a little bit. Maybe I'll get lucky and get shot or get in a wreck and die along the way. I do have a gun and lots of pills.. I'm very, very close to doing something drastic right now. I feel like I'm about to break down hard.
  11. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi, i too hope you find support here. i found much support here, in a dark time.

    i am here if you want to talk - just pm me.

    you are doing a great job of posting your feelings. and it takes awhile to feel a bit more comfortable doing so - don't give up though.

    hang in here with us - here we try, most of us, to be non-judgmental and accepting . . we try to support each other.

  12. I just hope the replies you're all giving me are real and not totally generic. Bah, who am I to say..

    Still here.. grinding my teeth.. feeling trapped and very, VERY ANGRY.
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm just curious ... why are you stuck there, with your parents? Because it really does sound like you'd do better on your own.

    I've only been here a few days; but I can already tell that the people here are sincere. They mean what they say, and so do I.
  14. Just got back from a movie. I feel a bit better. Though, I still want to gouge my eyes out.

    Oh, well. Time to suck up the rest of the pain until I reach the tipping point again.
  15. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I assure you that the members here are genuine...We all have at least one thing in common and that is depression..This sight has saved my life and I have learned the more you participate the more people here are going to gravitate your direction..You will get the support you need here, it just takes a little time.. You have members already showing concern for you.. I hope you will give the forum more of a chance to help you..
  16. Well.. I'm still here I guess.
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