Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in a while. I don't think I know what to say, as words usually don't help my condition. I've tried everything within my means to heal both physically and mentally. I tried acupuncture, seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Tried two different antidepressants and CBT. nothing helps. Antidepressants have helped me sleep a little better even though the dreams wake me up mid sleep. I know my joints will just get worse and worse and I will never be able to do martial arts ever again which is what my mental well being revolves around. Nothing in life gives me as much joy as martial arts did . I don't like anything else and I can't force myself to enjoy anything else, I've tried . I can't work full time, I'm about $2000 in debt with my credit card because of a injection treatment I tried for about 5 weeks. I'm finally over it. Nothing is working. I'm tired of waking up everyday unable to enjoy myself. The situation with my girlfriend has gone from bad to worse. She's never had depression so she doesn't personally understand what I'm going through. My dad is has the same bullshit attitude that's it's not that bad, comparing me to my brother who has diabetes (so has it worse than me). I have a peaceful end of life method that I've stashed away for when this time would come . Please give me a valid reason why I shouldn't end my torture? I can't see myself living like this for the next few decades. I am forcing myself to go back and do security work 2 nights a week to make ends meat and pay off an unnecessary credit card debt that didn't achieve anything . It's a dangerous job for someone with my conditions. But I don't know what else I can do, this is all I've done all my life and nothing else interests me....I'm finally at my wits end
I haven't posted in a while. I don't think I know what to say, as words usually don't help my condition. I've tried everything within my means to heal both physically and mentally. I tried acupuncture, seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Tried two different antidepressants and CBT. nothing helps. Antidepressants have helped me sleep a little better even though the dreams wake me up mid sleep. I know my joints will just get worse and worse and I will never be able to do martial arts ever again which is what my mental well being revolves around. Nothing in life gives me as much joy as martial arts did . I don't like anything else and I can't force myself to enjoy anything else, I've tried . I can't work full time, I'm about $2000 in debt with my credit card because of a injection treatment I tried for about 5 weeks. I'm finally over it. Nothing is working. I'm tired of waking up everyday unable to enjoy myself. The situation with my girlfriend has gone from bad to worse. She's never had depression so she doesn't personally understand what I'm going through. My dad is has the same bullshit attitude that's it's not that bad, comparing me to my brother who has diabetes (so has it worse than me). I have a peaceful end of life method that I've stashed away for when this time would come . Please give me a valid reason why I shouldn't end my torture? I can't see myself living like this for the next few decades. I am forcing myself to go back and do security work 2 nights a week to make ends meat and pay off an unnecessary credit card debt that didn't achieve anything . It's a dangerous job for someone with my conditions. But I don't know what else I can do, this is all I've done all my life and nothing else interests me....I'm finally at my wits end