Feeling very suicidal.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justatkinson, Feb 10, 2013.

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  1. justatkinson

    justatkinson New Member

    I just feel like I have nothing worth living for. I'm sick of all the suffering I have endured. Dealing with anxiety and pressure is just too much for it. I feel like I'm failing at something, just not sure what. I feel like I'm not worth absolutely anything to anyone, no matter what I do, I just can't cope.

    I have self harmed, and I have attempted suicide before.

    I've been getting very suicidal recently, I've planned how I'm going to go, how I'm going to do it, and where I'm going to do it, to make sure nobody finds me. To make sure that this time, I'm successfully and nobody can reach me in time.

    I've planned where I'm going to leave notes, and when I'm going to write them. One of them, being left on my fathers grave, he will be the last person I visit before I go, just to let him know I'm on my way.

    I don't see the point of me being around anymore?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I am so sorry you feel this way..please know many of us can relate to how you are feeling...this is why we come together here...can you tell us what is going on? Please PM me if you would like...I truly know what what you are saying...welcome again and so glad you found us
     
  3. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I'm with you there OP. To think that all of this could vanish in the blink of an eye. If our wretched parents had the common sense not to have children if they could not give us a good life. But unfortunately most people exist like animals. Eating, working, reproducing mindlessly which only passes on misery to the next generation.

    I don't know what makes me more suicidal, the thought that I am single today and women I'm attracted to have no interest in me or the thought that I could've been with the girl of my dreams (there's been more than a few) and to know she's with someone else now because I lacked the courage to ask her out. But that's just an example of many mistakes that I had made which kept me from achieving happiness and great success in my life. I turned down well paying jobs cause I was focused on a bigger goal which turned into failure and now ended up with a crappy job well below my qualifications.

    I'm stuck living with my elderly mother which also cramps my social life and my sibling refuses to take her in, though she and her husband have a huge house-so plenty of space to keep her while we're in a small apartment. I'm also older now and never took advantage of my youth though I could've and not been in this miserable state. While I have a lot to offer the world, it's meaningless if I'm unhappy and alone (friends/family aside), no one to love or who'd love me. Just feel rotten and empty inside.

    Sadly my misery carries from one day to the next, life never changes for me, stuck in a low-income bracket, every day is the same, except that I get older but all the worries remain. When I was 30 I still had a good shot at turning things around cause I wasn't too old, but in my 40s now and have nothing to my name. At least if I was established, I'd be able to bring something to the table. Anyways sorry for whining, I can offer you little help, I'm in my own hellhole right now.

    I should add, all I can do now is focus on getting a better job, get back in good physical shape and hopefully get an attractive girl...don't know if it'll solve my suicidal feelings because the love I used to have for life is pretty much gone-but that's the only option I have because now is not a good time for suicide for me, even if I wanted it badly. At the very least I'd have to make sure my mother ends up in a decent situation before I go.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2013
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi justakinston your father would not want you to this hun he would want you to live on and enjoy life You reach out and get supports you need hun ok do that for you and for the memory of your father you do something to commemorate his life so he is not forgotten hun h ugs
     
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