Feeling worthless

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Waugriff, Aug 8, 2007.

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  1. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Hi all and thank you for taking the time to at least read.

    I am currently in college and have a wife and 3 kids. Everyday for years now I have been struggling to make my family happy. My wife has put me in a position that I am not allowed to have a bank account, my own money, no friends and no contact with my family other than my grandmother. I have to spend all my days locked in my house only allowed out whenever I go to school or a chore needs to be done. Since I have no friends now I am alone and have no one to talk to. My wife makes fun of my problems and even goes as far as to call me a whiney baby when I start to get really sad. I come home from school and shes always yelling at me for not doing something good enough or fast enough. I only love my wife now in memory, not the current thing I am marred to. I feel so alone.. Since I have no where to go or know anyone to help me I am trapped to being called worthless garbage to a women who has grown fat with such inactivity. Any suggestions on how to make it to tomorrow and the next day etc until I can finally have a place to go. I dont even have a car or drivers license now thanks to her demanding control. I am so tired of being treated like I am common garbage. I am a person... I need help.
  2. Neo2008

    Neo2008 New Member

    All I have to say is MAN-UP! You're a male. We're the dominant sex of this planet (no offense to the females). Just decide to not put up with it or fight back somehow (not physically. lol). Show her you're a man and you're gonna do what you want and that she doesn't control anything. If she yells and screams smile at her, laugh at her, whatever, but do and say what you want. Don't let her know she's having any effect on you. If you let her think you're weak she'll treat you like you're weak. Get strong. If you have to PRETEND to be strong like an actor and make yourself believe it.

    I would've put that woman in her place already. She would be crying if she pulled crap like that on me. If she felt the need to make me feel like garbage and talking to her about it never helped I would surely make her feel even worse. Hate to say it, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
  3. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    I understand your point of veiw perfectly. Remember I have no friends, no money, no bank account, no drivers license, no family and no one that knows my name outside of this house. She has made it very clear that if she feels like booting me out, I would be fucked. After manning up where would you go in this situation? Not to mention 3 kids on the line. Its easy to stand up for yourself when you have some sort of power, but when youve been stripped of everything its not nearly as easy. I only own 2 shirts and 1 pair of pants, thats absolutly everything in my name. When your on the street with just that, what do you do? How do you rebuild? I made the mistake of a...joint account. Now she has made it so I cant even eat without having to clear it through her. If it wasnt for my 3 kids I think I would have just embraced my empty homless life by now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2007
  4. RunningAway

    RunningAway Well-Known Member

    I do not think it is that easy. I can see that you have quite a complicated life going on here. I am guessing that somehow you need to change it in order to move forward. Yet it has to be in a way that will not only make YOU feel better but also your children.

    Have you thought about counselling WITH your wife? I don't know if that suggestion is useless - just an idea.

    Also, if you are beyond that stage I am guessing you are going to have to tell her what her behaviour is doing to you?

    I am sorry I am not full of answers - perhaps others may be :( But if you need to talk through it I am happy to listen :hug:
  5. pegasusmyth

    pegasusmyth Active Member

    you are being abused.It does not matter that you are the man,you are being abused.Few people understand the complicated reality of men being domestically abused.Men being the stronger sex aren't thought of that way and unfortunatley it makes the problem worse. abuse isn't always done with physical power.your wife is abusing you.call the domestic abuse hotline and see if they can help you.I know you are not alone in this ,i've know other men in your situation,and i am in it even as a women so I do know.I know what it is to be unable to act.you are not worthless either.
  6. letdown

    letdown Guest

    I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful and sounds like domestic violence, financial and emotional/mental. Men go through this too. I wholeheartedly agree with pegasusmyth. You need to get in touch with domestic violence people...although you may have trouble with the general organisations out there because they can cater for women only. There are organisations for men that you may want to look into.

    You are not weak, worthless or inadequate in any way. This sounds like abuse. She's got problems she needs to sort out which is not your responsibility.

    If you're allowed to go to college, you can use that as your first avenue to tell someone about what you're going through and get in contact with the relevant people. Use words terms domestic violence. Keep at it. Some people won't listen and think that you, being male would be immune to this and say unhelpful comments. But all this is abuse (not respecting your needs/keeping you effectively a prisoner in your home/calling you names) and is a strain/detrimental to your emotional and mental health and safety is important, not only to you but your children too. Take care. :hug:
  7. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Well I contacted a shelter and told them everything, even the things I am not proud of. They had said that she was indeed being abusive and was neglecting the marrage, its more common in men but it does happen with women from time to time. They are comming to pick me up in the morning shortly before my wife gets home. I am really scared, but starting over form scratch is always scary. Talk to you once I get a computer again, and thank you for giving me the advice I needed. If anything I will truely miss my kids, I dont know how I am going to move forward without kids pushing me to better myself anymore. But I hope a new reason comes, with the way things are now, there is no way in hell I will be able to even see my kids for years. At least I got to hold them, even if it was for a few short years. Thank you all, and take care.
  8. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :hug: I wish you all the best Waugriff. It's a horrible situation to be in and it must have been very difficult to approach a shelter for help and tell them those things. There may be people who know about these things who may advise you as to how you can keep in contact with your children once you've moved away. I'm glad you're keeping yourself safe. Take care.
  9. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Things have finally gone to pass and this is whats going on now for those who are following my story.

    I had left my wife, my friend actually was using this site aswell and happened to get in contact with me. After reading everything even she agreed that what my wife was putting me through was just too much. She originally drove 3 hours to just talk to me, to try and figure out how I could make my wife happy and fix my marrage but thats not what happened. During the conversation, my wife had came home and kicked me out. In a way thats a good thing becuase I doubt I would ever work up the nerve to leave becuase of my 3 sons.

    The first 2 days I spent crying on the side of stores, on the floor and even tried to take my own life. I almost succeded but failed due to the pain of cutting myself. I only bleed a little bit. I kept having random emotional outbreaks where I would drop to my knees and start crying in the middle of the night. During the day it was hard to simply walk around without busting out into tears. I miss my children so much.

    I kept talking to my friend, just sitting there for hours talking. I feel worlds better now compared to how I was the first 2 days. Its amazing how talking to someone who doesnt make fun of you or judges you can do. I really owe my life to this person for just, listening.

    I look towards a blank white wall and remember the years I spent with my wife and kids, remember each sons birth and the trials we had to endure. All of it for nothing. I keep asking myself "what if" and "if I hadnt" its the same as if someone I cared about had died. In a sense, my wife did die. I now sit in a quiet room applying for jobs and remember my childrens smiling faces. Its so hard to even breath when I think about them, I honestly dont know how I am going to press on. But for now its all I can do.

    My first app I already spoke to a manager so I may have a job within a few days, its a start until I can get myself back in school. Its amazing now being yelled at all the time. So odd to have someone to listen. I am not ready for a relationship so I am grateful that they are just a good friend from school. In honesty all I want is to be alone right now, but thats the last thing someone as depressed as me should do.

    I miss my 3 sons so much and I miss the woman I married even more. Now that I have lost everything and am dirt poor with nothing to my name, I dont know what to do. I'm scared, even more so for my kids. I hope that they will be okay with that monster I used to call my darling wife, I hope that with me leaving she will open up her eyes and start spending time with them. All I can do now is sit alone and force fate to start moving things my way, I just hope I can do so without losing whats left of myself. I miss my boys so much.... In honesty, I would do anything to go back if my wife became they way she used to be, but thats just a dream....

    Thanks for taking the time to read my long post... And thank you even more for this site. Its really been there for me.
  10. Kini.shinaide

    Kini.shinaide New Member

    At least tell the whole story...

    Man, oh man.

    I know your wife. She told me how you have been slandering her on the internet and gave me the link. I couldn't believe what I was reading!

    Let me tell you the facts people:

    *He doesn't have a driver's license becuase he hasn't paid over 2000 dollars in traffic tickets
    *He cheated on his wife... FOR YEARS
    *He refused to cut out all contact with his "mistress"
    *The only family she did not want him talking to was his pedofile uncle
    *He has verbally and physically abused her and his children in the past
    *She encouraged him to go to college to make a brighter future for himself
    *She never told him to leave, she told his "friend" to get out of her house and he followed. She even told him that it was his choice.
    *She thought that him having a bank account would be a bad idea because he would use it to fund living with the girl he had been cheating on her with. Sure enough, when he got his financial aid money, (money he promised he would pay rent with mind you) he split...and went with that girl!

    Now, you had it pretty good my friend. She worked her ass off with a full time job and full time school, while you only recently started going to school part time. She even told you not to worry about a job so that you could concentrate on school. Sounds pretty understanding to me.
    If she didn't spend enough time with the kids like you say, it's because she was so busy trying to pay the bills.

    She never said you could not have friends, you had plenty on the internet. She just didn't want you to talk to that girl you had been cheating on her with...not exactly unreasonable.

    Before you trash someone, you should at least tell the truth. Your wife is a kind woman, and while I wasn't there and don't know every little thing that happened, you more than fudged a little on the major points.

    She is a loving and devoted mother, you should feel ashamed for leading people to believe that she is anything other than that. If there is blame to be placed, the majority of it is yours.

    It's sad that you stooped so low for a woman that did so much for your happiness. Pathetic, really...

    Just trying to get the truth out there,
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2007
  11. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Thats only half the story, and seeing how this was your only post. Your too narrow minded to see that. I never got my finacial aid, I canceled it aswell as everything else to make sure she and I wouldnt have any money issues. I told my side of the story, not slandering her good name as you would have it. But I wont argue with people who are blind and biast. THere are a world of things I could have said about her but unlike you I can refrain. Live your life not somebody elses please.
  12. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Re: At least tell the whole story...

    This is so one sided its not right. I never slandered her name, just talked about my feelings and my point of veiw. Realize I came here to try and cure my depression so that I could better myself when taking care of her and the kids. First off dont call me your friend, you a very sick person to go to a suicide site, on a depression forum for a single post that is not only destructive, but can really hurt a person deep down. Only real trash can do that. This site is not here for that kind of bullshit, so please take your immature one sided ass kissing somewhere else please.

    *I do not have a Drivers license becuase I could not pay 2000. Kira didnt work for many years, relied on me and all of my friends she used to get the bills paid and to get ahead. I was unable to pay for my license becuase Kira and my sons came first. What she obviously told you is just a one sided version. But thats fine, thats what happens when people seperate.

    *I cheated on my wife a grand total of 3 times, no more, no less. Why? Becuase I wasnt heard, she never spoke with me and she even gave her consent at one point. Its very convient to forget and even avoid those points when your angry and want to be seen as the good guy. I realized what I did was wrong, and I made an honest effort to stop, its pretty hard to change when the person your changing for is constantly angry with you and even abusive. But I am sure her point of view on things is very different.

    *I did, I just happened to come across that person on this site, she wanted to help me with Kira, to try and find a way to get her to start communicating. Why the hell would I jeperdize my 3 sons, my wife, and a great future when I was so proud to be in school finally? Think before you try to start bullshit.

    *She doesnt know all the facts about my Uncle and neither do you, I didnt want to tell her everything becuase she was having a hard time listening to just me and I felt I would be patient and tell her the other half of the story when the time was right. This is not your business. To see that you would dig so deep into my marrages problems shows that your life is lacking at best. Get out of our business and start living your own life, this is adult time. Not time for little kids to pretend.

    *She encouraged me to go to school when it was convient for her schedule and so she could get money to help pay bills. On my first day of school when I was so proud she yelled at me and treated me like dirt the second I got home. Thats not encouragment, thats abuse. WHen she was blind as to what to do with her life I fought to guide her, and becuase of that she has a very clear future ahead of her. Did she tell you about that times she felt she wasnt smart enough, good enough or even prepared to go to school. The times she was so intimidated by the long road ahead she felt like quitting. Did she tell you who was there to keep helping her move forward for herself and not just the family? I would always tell her "Dont become a nurse becuase of the money, become anything you want for yourself, I just want you to be happy and I will support you no matter what career you take". Probably not, why? Because shes angry with me and refuses to see why I left. But thats okay, your too busy meddling in other peoples lives to live your own, go kiss someone elses ass please.

    *I was indeed bad to the kids and even her when I was ALOT younger, but people learn and grow. Everyone makes mistakes, what counts is that you recognize it and learn from it. I am an excellent father, my boys where never happeir and where learning every day to become good men themselves. But we where not all born perfect, we have to work at it. I spent hours everyday reading on parenting, being a good husband and how to control my temper and sure enough it worked wounders for me. Everyone learns as they grow, we all arent born perfect. One must realize there flaws before they can over come them, even christians know this.

    *I never got a bank account becuase she said that if I had my own account and not a joint account that I was planning to leave her and didnt trust her. She wouldnt let me get my own account. Amazing how that little detail wasnt mentioned. I never got my loans, I made sure to cancel them the day after I left so that she wouldnt think that AND so that there would be no debt, since shes related to me by marrage she might have been forced to pay for it. I didnt want that, get your facts straight.

    *She looked at me directly and before I could explain that I was just seeking advice, she told me to "get the fuck out" That was a pretty clear message to me. I had no intention of leaving, like my family before me I wanted to fight to become a better person. I just wanted her to listen to me and maybe realize that being married means your a team. I cant do all the work, she has to get out there and talk, listen and participate in marrage to make it work. I needed an outside point of view, just happened to be that person. Before she came she recomended that I force her to talk to me, that I made it so she couldnt brush me off for her mother (which I can say WORLDS about, how she drugged my wife to sleep with her first husband and how she tried to seduce me in San Diego then tried to have the first born son taken away on false charges from Kira, which I was the only person who fought to keep that boy along Kiras side, but I wont go into detial just main points.) She told me that if I could make Kira realize that we BOTH have to work at the marrage and not just me, then we would be okay and happy again. I wanted to better the marrage.

    Your "facts" are pretty one sided, as to be expected from someone with so little life experience.

    This site really helpped me to better myself, to communicate more and to voice my thoughts instead of hide them. Please dont bring your destructive presence here. I stayed alone for awhile and now I am staying with Jeff (the friends boyfriend and boss lol) for the next 60 days, after that I am on my own, but I have friends that have offered to let me come and rebuild if I dont have my own place by then. I have been to a good job interview and and alot of things to look forward to, I might even have my drivers license back by next saturday. I wanted to make kira happy, but if this is what shes going to do, send a little worm to flame me that knows NOTHING about what really happened and the hardships me and kira faced other than what hes read. Then she obviously doesnt care about the family and doesnt want to make our marrage work. This saddens me to no end, and thanks to you I am seriously contimplating ending my life to simply get away from all the lies and bullshit that I have had to deal with all my life. It takes real trash to come to a forum like this to make them feel worse. I hope that you one day grow up, becuase if you dont you will stay the grabage that you are today.

    I just want to get one point clear, I didnt leave to cheat, I didnt leave becuase I dont love her. I left becuase she told me to get the fuck out. I just wanted her to listen to me for once, and to sit down with me and talk, talk about everything, and heal together. She did alot to me over the years as I did to her. Thats the bitch about growing together, you grow, and growing hurts. I still to this day talk about her, and I always will remember her for how she used to be. Dont assume you know everthing. If you read this Kira, I love you, and though you obviously dont care for me anymore. I hope that you do well in life. If anything, seeing you smile was more than enough reason to endure everything that I did. Thank you, for the memories.

    Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to let my voice be heard as the admins here have told me to, and thanks to them. I feel there is hope again.

    Thank you. Thank you so very much.

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 21, 2007
  13. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    I write this more for myself than anything. This is the conclusion of this story, the end of the book.

    I have spent several days clearing my mind, making sure I was ready and now, I am. Though there is a fear inside of me, it is only the fear of my attempt failing, nothing else. I am finally ready.

    The winds echo in my mind, I can feel a higher sense of things. I havent had this clearity since I trained others before I feel in love with my now, ex - wife. I look back and see the smiling faces of a boy whom would have been lost without me, a boy who no one will truely understand and the youngest, who wont even remember that I existed. I am grateful that they are too young to really remember me in the future.

    My wife will use her mother, like she has used me, and all of my friends to get ahead in life. But in doing so my kids will be provided for and will have oppertunities I didnt. She will make sure to erase me as she already has started to do by not even contacting me for visitation.

    All she does now is go to teenagers that shes never meet face to face instead of bonding with her kids and husband. Using excuses when she was home 60% of the week. She gave up, and now I follow.

    Tonight I will do everything in my power to make sure I pass on, I can finally rest. I am not a foolish man, I am fully aware that I could move on and accomplish great things. That I could live a wonderful life fulfilling all of my dreams. But without that smile, being rich, having everything I want means nothing. That smile gave up, that smile succumbed to the presure of all our years of hardship while I kept fighting. Without it, I have lost my fighing spirit. Now that I am not needed, I reflect back and I lead a very hard life. But seeing that woman smile, if only for an instant, made all my hardships worth it. Thank you all, and remember, dont let the one you love give up. Farwell.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2007
  14. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Its been a very long time since last I posted on this site, and even now I am grateful for what this site had done for me. Feeling down I decided to voice my feelings rather than just let them site idle. This place gave me so much solice that my words may be read and understood that it made my words not feel so empty as ranting would.

    I lived the past few years since the events of what had happened to me in despair, desperatly trying to find a reason to exist with each passing day. I erupted in tears everytime I saw any kind of family interaction between others. At one point, I grew incredibly jealous of the mom's and dad's that could stay together and raise there children that I would even go out of my way to get them to leave my sight. Fortunatly this little phase of rage ended quickly.

    I moved clear across america from Georgia to Oregon. Deciding to rebuild my life rather than be ruled by my past I decided to work not for my family, but for myself for a change.

    It was hard for me, I lost my 3 sons and a woman that made me feel complete. It was hard for any hardship to compare to losing that. I worked and clawed my way to DM of a 3 chain store in a small town. I worked and gained back my drivers license which was promised to me for 6 years in 4 months. Bought me a new car, got new friends and began to remember what it meant to live again. I finally moved again, right on the beach and now await the next semester to go back to college again.

    Everything looked great until a few months ago when I had my accedent. I feel 30 feet off the 3rd story of where I worked and landed directly on my head. I then crashed down another flight of stairs and landed on a crowbar in my back. I can tell you it felt lovely.

    The doctors told me it would be nearly 6 months before I can even stand again, I went back to work 3 weeks after my accedent. The physical pain and broken bones meant nothing to me, it was nothing new after all to me. But what I did see during that 3 second fall shook me. I saw perfection, something I had dreamed of since I first had a family. I saw myself and my 3 sons playing in what seemed to look like the backyard of a house in the country side. Surrounded by tree's with a beautiful view of a huge lake everything was just as I have been working for all these short years of my young life. I felt like I was home.

    Once I went back to work (I litterally forced my doctor to release me back to work lol) I started paying child support and went down 1 day (32 hours) so I could focus on school more.

    65% of my wages are being taken from my minimum wage job where as my ex makes roughly 4x's my yearly income lol. I pay an enourmous amount of money with no hope to see my kids, I cannot after working 80 hours a pay period even afford to pay half my rent, I don't even see the results of my hard work anymore. Its amazing how much a state can rape you lol.

    Overall that doesn't bother me, because thats the kind of person my ex was, everything was about money with her, even the kids where dollar bill signs to be claimed. What bothers me is now that I have finally obtained a little more stability in my soul as well as my physical surroundings, ive become bored.

    I dont see the point in anything, I understand full well live for the good and the bad experiences, but even through my kindness of helping people or the hardships that Ive faced, nothing compares to the bliss and hell of what I saw during that 3 second fall. It may sound silly, but now my biggest enemy is boredom. Over time, when I complete college and I can devote myself to my career I can cure my boredom, but as I see it now that would only help my boredom, not cure it due to days off.

    How do I find rage and joy after seeing what was taken away from me? I'm struggling to accept the fact that I was "teased" with my dreams in life that were taken from me. Though I understand I could work to build what I saw in real life, you can never replace the ones you lost, especially when they are a bill slapping you in the face every paycheck.

    It may be boredom, it may not even be the correct word, but after what I saw Ive started to feel empty, like everything Ive done is nothing more than a waste of time.

    Sorry for the rant, since I love to free style write it helps calm myself down. Its hard to step down from heaven when hell is knowing the ones you cherish the most are beyond your reach.
  15. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    how are you
    im a girl...and girl always like the strong personlity...and the mariage is partnarship...nobody should control the other...it should come with discussion...if you want bank account,frinds,be respectful,.....& so on....then tell her & have a fairshare decision....plus she should understand having family with college is so diffecult... anyway if there is nothing work I advice marriage counselor
    take care
  16. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    It's okay Waugriff

    God I wish I had all the answers like letdown and pegasus myth, I'm glad they were able to help you, congratulations to all three of you :) , and thank-you so much to those two users. :kris: I will keep their advice in mind for future peoples.

    The tone and post content of the user Kini shinaide seemed to me to be quite malicious and harsh.

    Whereas when Waugriff was speaking, it was the words of a humble, broken man who was simply begging for help, and I noticed you said you revealed things to the helpline you were afraid of revealing - that takes guts and shows honesty here.

    You've been through a lot Waugriff. I'm proud of you, you've come a long way, to me you are a hero. :hugtackles:

    If you ever need to talk, I'm always here, though I'm really sorry :hug: , I don't have much life experience. I'm not choosing sides here, so I hope no-one starts hassling me like this man was hassled by that user in the confines of a forum devoted to helping the suicidal, I am simply commenting on the striking difference in tone (perhaps reflecting the person that harsh user was representing) and lending a helping hand to someone who is crying out for help and empathy and really I think means no harm. I apologise to the user Kini if all this does not appear that way, I mean no harm either - perhaps I am just confused :) . But I don't think so.

    Here's what I think, I could be wrong.

    When abuse occurs in an extreme form such as this, as is obvious through the replies of the domestic violence shelter and your obvious honesty, it really is probably too late for alternatives like joint counselling and sharing, because the one element you can't remove from a situation like this/that, is malice, that will always win unless it is forcefully stopped. You are on the right track to forcefully stopping it by going to a shelter.

    All the best in hopes, wishes, success and dreams Waugriff. I'm really happy for you after I read the following post!!

    I'm so happy for you matey :laugh: ;__; :hugtackles: Congrats.
  17. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    Re: It's okay Waugriff

    It's been so many years, what 5? I'm surprised my user name and log in still worked lol Or that I even remembered it! Really shows how much this site and its people helped me. To you guys, I want to stay thank you. Even if your not around this site anymore (and I hope you aren't :p) I can never thank you enough.

    I come here when my mind is at its darkest, it helps clear myself. And even if just one person reads my story in this forum, I hope that they can learn from it and rise above the challenges I've faced. If it helps even one person, then I am more than willing to share my experiences both good, bad and even those I'm ashamed of.

    I turned 30 last November lol I feel so old. In these years I've struggled to get passed the depression that has clung to me after losing my ex wife and children. Its hard, even after all these years I still see my boys and even my ex wife in my mind every single day. I truely loved them....

    I've meet many friends, most of them combat veterans. Its odd but for some reason I get along better with people older than myself. People who have mellowed out. One of them, went through the same situation as me. He was married to an abusive woman for 8 years, and just like me it took a third party to rip him out of the situation. So if you are male and in this kind of abusive relationship, their is no shame in talking about it with others. You'd be amazed how far a loyal man will go to stay with their family.

    It took a lot, and I mean a lot, but I finally have started to open up to people little bit by bit. Mostly to those in pain like myself. Talking about the past helps show me that their is so many variables to the future. I just wish I could let go of my own past, but I doubt I ever will.

    I live a very humble life now, dirt poor thanks to child support taking 80% of my income (about 300 a month now at its best) and have had to learn to live in a manner that would make most cry. But I feel now shame or remorse in it, I've never cared too much about money, just about food lol and taking care of those who depend on me.

    My depression isn't a constant anymore, its now in spurts. Heavy spurts that really are tough to pull out of, but after 5 years I'm starting to improve without medication aside from stop smoking aids that fail miserably lol. I've found that talking to others, and lots of exercise help alot. When I start to feel really down, theirs nothing like a good chat and some crazy work out regime to lift your spirits. Heavy metal helps too, but that's me lol.

    Right now Im posting here because I feel overwhelmed by life. I'm working 3 jobs, and get roughly about 2 hours to myself a week. The money I make is pathetic at best, but at the same time well earned. Ive learned humility and kindness where only arrogance and hatred used to consume me. I've quit many jobs, jobs I've loved and jobs I've hated on a whim simply to try and cheer myself up. And even though I know that's childish, I don't regret it simply because happiness is a rare treat for me.

    I want to improve myself, to let go of my previous life and keep moving forward, but to this day its so hard. I dont know what kind of spell my ex wife used, but I still care for her and my kids. Too much kindness is cruelty, I think in the end I simply just miss the past.

    To those who are like me, trapped in constantly thinking about what if's and looking back on your past, I want to share with you some advice thats been helping me.

    Learn from it, and apply it to the future. Don't dwell on it, don't regret it, but rather use it to improve yourself even if its just a little bit.

    Practice what you preach right? lol. Though I have few friends now, and no family anymore, I'm not necessarily miserable nor am I happy. Im grateful for that, because it shows that even through such hard times, with enough help and determination, things will get better. Even if its just a little bit. It took some time, but thanks to everything I have learned a very important lesson in relations with both friends and lovers. Communication, patience, trust and team work. Thanks to that I have solid bonds with those that I muster the courage to speak with.

    Sorry for the rant, guess 25 year old me isn't too different from 30 year old me lol. I still love to write and rant hehe. Take care all, and thank you again. For everything. Until next time.
  18. worthless1

    worthless1 Member

    Dude, are we married to the same lady. My wife is just like that, I work my tail off and get treated like crap. I don't know how to "man up" or stand up for myself
  19. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Re: At least tell the whole story...

    I had a father who told me daily I was the most worthless person he'd known. I've gone through life trying to overcome that-ha!.
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