Feelings and depression...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by PatrickMehl, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. PatrickMehl

    PatrickMehl Member

    So yeah... There once was this 14 year old boy, that loved the feeling of being loved, and also the feelings of loving and making someone feel loved, right untill i lost my ability to feel, to love and care...

    I really dont know what happened to me around half a year ago, i had had my heart broken by a couple of girls... Could it be that?
    Reasonly i lost my ability to feel love and care about ANYTHING, NO ONE, not even my family.
    I dont care if i see someone get hurt, i dont feel anything. I can imagine myself seeing someone get shot in the street, i wouldnt care at all, i know its bad, and everytime something happens that i should care about.. I act like i care about it... I do the right thing even tho i dont feel a damn thing, because i know if i dont do anything, im a bad person...
    After that... Well.. I also got depression, suicide thoughts... Thoughts of running away... I lost alot of friends, pretty much them all, and i lost my social life and everything, i changed so much because of that and became unsocial... Now im being a quiet loner in public.. In school.. Everywhere, its really ticking me off and i got no damn clue on what to do, it makes want to kill myself, ive been seeking to religion and been praying constantly for god to help me.. But what it looks like to me, god dont give a shit about all the pain im going through, the only time i can actually feel something, is wen i listen or see my idol... Ben(jamin) Burnley, hes my only light at the moment, hes music makes me cry, sad or happy, it inspires me, HE inspires me. He is truly one of the very few persons on earth that can resist the fame of being a star, he havent become one of those fame leeching paparazzi stars...
    And well my question is... Whats happening to me... What cursed me? Should i really end my life myself? I am truly tired of the pain everyday, OVER AND OVER! All i can do is, wake up... Go to school... Go home... Bore my head off or just hang at my PC all day... and repeated. My computer is really a comfort to me, i meet many great people at the internet, i know, i know its not a great thing to chat too much, but there actually are some people who understand me, and i might sound a bit of those typical slobs who hang around the pc all day with no life and all there E-friends.. But im not like that, its just all i have to do when i suffer from what i do, id truly sell my soul to the devil to meet some of the awesome people that i met.

    So yeah... WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME! Im scared of what im becoming...

    EDIT: Could i be Schizoid? I most likely wouldnt be... Since ive looked it up and i dont have all the symptoms.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2010
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It sounds like things are very tough for you, and I'm sorry you're going through so much.

    Do you have any help and support for your depression? Have you seen a doctor?

    I'm not someone who is religious, but I used to have a friend who was and when she went through hard times she found this poem useful. Maybe it might help you. http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php

    Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
    Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
    Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
    other times there were one set of footprints.

    This bothered me because I noticed
    that during the low periods of my life,
    when I was suffering from
    anguish, sorrow or defeat,
    I could see only one set of footprints.

    So I said to the Lord,
    "You promised me Lord,
    that if I followed you,
    you would walk with me always.
    But I have noticed that during
    the most trying periods of my life
    there have only been one
    set of footprints in the sand.
    Why, when I needed you most,
    you have not been there for me?"

    The Lord replied,
    "The times when you have
    seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
    is when I carried you."
    Mary Stevenson
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you need to talk to a therapist to find you again the old you. Getting help now while you are young will give you a good base to survive. The you that can feel love and compassion is still there just hidden down deep let a therapist help you okay to start healing and feeling good about you again.
  4. PatrickMehl

    PatrickMehl Member

    Thanks for your replies, i could use some more tips and so.
    Ill talk with my mom about the therapist, ill keep the poem in mind and ill begin meditating. Thank you very, VERY much guys!
  5. PatrickMehl

    PatrickMehl Member

    Thanks for it!
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Its a good idea to tlak to your mum about how you're feeling. It would be a good idea to see if she can take you to a doctor, as well as starting to see a therapist.

    Try not to diagnose yourself. That can be dangerous because your mind can morph to fit those symptoms. Just try to accept that you have these symptoms wrong in your life and need help with them. You don't need a lable to get help for them or to need help.
  7. Bonifide C

    Bonifide C Member

    You should still be proud of the fact that despite all those heartache you manage to have enough confidence to even ask a girl out, much less several girl.

    I too feel pretty emotionless when I hear sad news. It doesn't make us evil, it just that depression has overwhelm and consume our lives that we simply don't care about anything anymore. We have problems just trying to become stable, much less have times for other.

    There is nothing wrong with you, you are not a Sch. It is like a demon has consume our soul, a demon in the form of depression, or our inner demon.
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