So, my suicidal thoughts have returned...Going on about 2 years now. I first started getting these thoughts when I was 10, and wasn't put on medication until the 8th grade, then stopped taking them in my junior of school (When I was about 17) after I dropped out. These thoughts then came back after I broke up with my girlfriend for cheating on me, who I was with all through middle school, Highschool, and a year after I dropped out of school. Well, I am 20, and I still have these suicidal thoughts. I haven't talked to anyone, haven't taken any medication, or anything. I just keep it all bottled up. I don't remember one point in my life where I have actually enjoyed life. Sure, I have had fun, and have enjoyed certain moments, but never have I actually enjoyed life. Just once I would like to see what that feeling is like, just like I see so many others do. It just got completely unbearable the last week or so. I have been hanging out with a girl for a year now, and I really, really liked her. Last week, I finally spilled how I feel for her. Something I haven't done since my last actual relationship. (My girlfriend that I was with all through middle school and Highschool). Well, she pretty much rejected me, it ruined our friendship, and now she is all of a sudden hanging out with this new guy. In front of me, tonight, while we were all hanging out, she pretty much just admitted that she is now dating, and going to move in with this guy. Which made me get that broken heart feeling I haven't felt in so long. Now I don't know what to do. I want to end it all so bad, but at the same time, I am afraid to. I have nothing going for me in life. A drop out, can't keep a job, and still live with my mum. The only thing I am counting on for a second chance at life is me going to job corp within the next month or so. I hate feeling like this, but I have grown up feeling like this. I don't know what it means to enjoy life, live a little, or anything like that. There's my rant, let's see what happens.