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Feelings? No kidding

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45 year old male. Divorced and remarried. 2 beautiful, smart children living with mother. Joint and amicable custody, although far apart. Remarried, wife close to having baby. Bipolar 2, lithium, welbutrin, lamictal, klonipin. Never drunk but drink regularly, 2-4 beers a day. Marathon runner, but out of shape. No successful employment in over ten years. Wife makes little money as a teacher and, incredibly, resorted to a couple small scale white collar crimes. Feel horrible, feel scared.

Can't imagine my life improving and just see myself as an increasing burden or even threat to my family. I know the facts, I know that dying would hurt everyone. But the constant spirals are too much. One bottle of each of my drugs, with a nice strong drink, would do it. Thinking of checking into a hotel, having a nice meal, and just getting it over. So there. Someone might as well know. I'm not sure I even want to meet or be a part of the new child's life.


~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Hi and welcome to the forum, I'm not sure how to reply to your post but I just wanted you to know you're heard and we're here if you need to talk some more. Please don't check into that hotel room, you have your children to live for and love x
i'm bipolar too. it sure can kick your ass. can you try and remember that feeling suicidal like this is the disease speaking? you are in a dark place right now but it hasn't always been this way. who can you reach out to in real life? do you have a therapist or a psychiatrist that you trust? maybe you need to go into the hospital for a bit while they adjust your meds. i know that last option sucks but sometimes you have to do it in order to stay safe.

glad you joined, and please keep posting


Being unemployed is probably making things a lot worse, I suppose. Could you try to get any activity, even if not a paid activity at start?
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