45 year old male. Divorced and remarried. 2 beautiful, smart children living with mother. Joint and amicable custody, although far apart. Remarried, wife close to having baby. Bipolar 2, lithium, welbutrin, lamictal, klonipin. Never drunk but drink regularly, 2-4 beers a day. Marathon runner, but out of shape. No successful employment in over ten years. Wife makes little money as a teacher and, incredibly, resorted to a couple small scale white collar crimes. Feel horrible, feel scared. Can't imagine my life improving and just see myself as an increasing burden or even threat to my family. I know the facts, I know that dying would hurt everyone. But the constant spirals are too much. One bottle of each of my drugs, with a nice strong drink, would do it. Thinking of checking into a hotel, having a nice meal, and just getting it over. So there. Someone might as well know. I'm not sure I even want to meet or be a part of the new child's life.