Feelings of Guilt and Shame in Public

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by BitterandNumb, Sep 3, 2016.

  1. BitterandNumb

    BitterandNumb Member

    Whenever I find myself in a social environment, especially a get-together like a party or something, I am overcome with a crippling sense of shame and guilt that makes me want to isolate myself from everyone else there. I want to hide away by myself in an empty room, preferably behind a locked door. Where no one can speak to me or look at me. Sometimes I'll be reminded, of all the people I've wronged or hurt in the past, and of my own selfish feelings that caused things to fall apart and to this day still cloud my judgment. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to get hurt myself because of another stupid mistake. But I'm so afraid of what might happen, so ashamed of the past that I can't bear to even be in the same room as other people sometimes. I hate myself so much, why can't I ever change my ways and stop being so creepy?
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I wouldn't say you're creepy, maybe don't be so harsh with yourself. Just because you have a problem doesn't mean you are a creep. I can relate to a feeling of dread when I open my gate to walk outside of my backyard, outside the safety of my home. I'm not agoraphobic, but I have such little faith in humanity that it affects my desire to be around any human being, no matter if they have good intentions or not. I refuse to be in social situations and will always say no. At this point, I don't care what people say about me because I'm confident with my own choices and feel no pressure from society at all. I prefer to just be at home, I feel safe and comfy. Do you feel pressured into being in a social environment? I don't promote isolating yourself, but maybe you're just not ready for it until you can work more on why you feel that shame and guilt in those situations?
  3. BitterandNumb

    BitterandNumb Member

    I feel like I'm the exact OPPOSITE of you, no offense. It's not that I have no faith in the rest of humanity, I just have no faith in myself. And it's not that I feel pressured into social situations, I personally feel a desperate need to be with people, which conflicts with my own inner turmoil at nearly every moment.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I feel you. I really do. I feel shame of things I have done but counselling is helping with that, hopefully you will get your ssi the next time you apply and will be able to see a therapist. Suicide solves nothing. No one has come back to tell us it did. Please hold on because things can get better, keep your head above the water for now. Even if you have done very shameful things in the past, it dos not define you as a person.