I feel foolish posting this because I'm not sure I know the source of my torment. Social isolation doesn't help, but it's pretty much a pathetic habit, not enforced (accept by myself). It's not that I can't socialize (the skill) I mean, when I'm at work, I can make people laugh, hold a dynamic conversation. Or if it's someone I know well, I can be pleasant enough. It's just I can't generate a whole lot of interest in socializing. And then there's women. They've shown interest in me, but I shy away because I find it very hard to hold a conversation with a woman, let alone flirt. I'm going to be 22 this april, and I have never been on a date! Go figure! Part of it is the lack of motivation, a part of me wants to, but another part wants to languish in apathy. I'm so tired and depressed most of the time that I can't find the strength to find the motivation that propels others to seek pleasurable activites (aside from watching TV/sleeping, etc). Of course, in times of misery when I think there's no way out, I turn to religion. Christianity. I think a lot of people are going to be very surprised when the "End of days" comes. Even the devout will find some of their ideas and perceptions simply blown away. The mortal judges will become the judged. I don't believe anyone is safe from scrutiny. We have all sinned, in thought or action. I just don't know what to believe, who to follow, which God is real. It's all so confusing and depressing. I wish God would give me the answers, or at least provide a recognizable path, or help me recognize it! Just Something! I feel so tired and beat up in life, even though I haven't gone through even a 3rd of what others in this forum have. But nonetheless, I feel like giving up because I believe I am worthless. Intellectually, and otherwise. This could be due to my severe depression (bad decision making ), or it could be something else. Whatever the case, it makes me feel...separated from others. I've always pondered reality and have tried to remain subjective in things but it's torture in a way. It feels so unnatural, yet that's the way my thoughts have been running lately. In effect, I come across as unsympathetic and careless. But I fervently wish for the opposite! I don't want to be bitter, but the lack of guidance is enough to drive any man to be bitter and depressed. I also wonder why I was made this way or if there is a point to my existance at all. Life just seems so labryinthine(sp?) how in God's name am I supposed to know where to go, or what to do. Everytime I turn around, it just feels like another bad decision, a permanent reflection of myself. I think I hav wasted so much of my life, and this mental suffering is somehow payback, something to keep the balance. I wish I knew how to atone and make my life better. This post's purpose was mainly to vent, so don't feel pressured to respond.