feelings that wont go away.

I am in my 2nd year of college about to turn 21, I have a large supportive family. but all I think about is death. I dream of taking a blade and splitting my skin, watching as my crimson blood forms a pool around me. I have over 150 scars from doing so. im on prozac and see a therapist every week but these thoughts wont go away. they get worst when there is more people around. I dont feel like doning anything; homework, watching TV/movies, playing video games, exercise, nothing that I used to do brings me joy anymore. why do I hate myself when I am around other people??? if any one has any advice, please give it. not that anyone cares.
thanx.

 

you might want to take a medical leave of absence from school.

so I'm guessing that you have had some traumatic experiences, and that's where the trouble being around other people comes in

 

You have to stop hating yourself and start loving yourself if you want to beat this. :hug:

 

i think you should speak to your psychiatrist about changing your medication. clearly the prozac isn't working. there are plenty of other meds they can try. why not give it a shot?

 

How long have you been taking Prozac? You need to wait 4-8 weeks to feel the effects of it. If it's been longer than 12 weeks and you still don't feel better, talk to your pdoc and ask for their advice.

Utilize all the resources you have. Do you have a dedicated therapist? A school counselor? A local hotline? Whatever you want to use, if you're feeling this down, it's best to use what you have available to you.

As someone else mentioned, a medical leave from school is also an option, should you choose to pursue it. I've done that; all it means is you stop where you are now in the semester, then pick up where you left off once you come back.

 

I felt the exact same thing when I was in my sophomore year. I was a 4.0 kid making Dean's List every term and all I thought about was death. I couldn't imagine going on, and out of despair, I've made the best decision in my life. I dropped out for a year. Went a way. Got an internship in a brand new city. Started a new life.

It was not all easy. I could only sustain myself for two months and screwed up a lot with my depression. But those were the best two months I have felt in 2 years. Now back with all the suicidal thoughts, I just wish I could come back to that city again.

So I suggest you try it. Just go away for some time. A new place where no one knows you. And start over.