I've been way long with suicidal feelings and after some time, seems I'm overcoming it. But somehow it has left me with some kind of inner stigma. Right now I feel like I shouldn't be alive after all that's gone through my mind, I think I don't deserve it after betraying both myself and the ones that maybe still love me by having those thoughts. Guess it's a guilt trap, I know it is not rational and i just should go on until these thoughts eventually disappear. But I just needed to share this, cause sometimes the burden is so heavy, many times I find myself saying to me "after all you've gone through with your mind, you shouldnt be here..." I hope I'm not harming anyone with this post and sorry for my (sometimes) "spanglish"