feels like im never going to be ''normal'' :'(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meagainstme, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    yesterday it was my first day on a new job (my first ever job) and the uniform was short sleeves, however my arms are jam packed with red, raised huge scars. i am NOT ready to show these and asked the manager if i could wear long sleeves underneath the t-shirt uniform. he said it wasnt allowed and i told him i couldnt show my arms. and he kept badgering me until i told him i had self harm scars. so him and the other manager was badgerin me some more about how they look, until i said ''IM NOT SHOWING THEM''.
    i was welling up. ive totally fucked up my body. and my life.
    then all day i felt so anxious and paranoid. i was tearful all day and could not stop thinking about cutting myself. i felt horrible.

    so yeh, i decided not to take the job. i feel like such a let down. im such a fucking loser. why cant i just be normal? why cant i be happy? i hate myself s much.

  2. I have many visible scars, of varying sizes on my right wrist, just under the hand so even long sleeves would not hide them entirely. While I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, I think that I know where you're coming from. You really shouldn't hate yourself.