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Feels like it's almost time.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Crashtesthero, Aug 20, 2012.

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  1. Crashtesthero

    Crashtesthero Member

    Suicide has been on my mind for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I hear voices and they just egg me on to do it.
    I'm married, and I've always said that he's the reason I'm still here. But I don't know for how much longer that will be enough. I have so much anxiety and depression that I can't work. I feel like I'm not pulling my weight in our relationship and that too much stress is now on him to make money for us to be ok. I've talked to him about how I'm feeling but at times I can't even talk to him anymore. I really hate to burden him so much and complaining so much... so much crying and emotion.... I can't think straight anymore. So badly I just want to disappear. I feel like I would be so much less of a burden. :shelbi::shelbi:
  2. daveyjones

    daveyjones Member

    Can you seek some councilling? Without more details It does not seem like you have a big problem in your life other than you inner metal state.

    I was once in a very dark place and sought out councilling. I found it very usefull to put liffe into perspective and talk through issues with someone impartial.

    Have you seen your doctor and is there any active management of your depression? My wife suffered terrible depression after our first child but neither of us noticed it, life got very bad and my wife was not well. After the doctor identified the depression and helped my wife with medication the world was a whole different place.

    Please go see someone. Start with your doc and seek councilling if its available near you.

  3. Crashtesthero

    Crashtesthero Member

    I've searched for a therapist or counselor to talk to but the last one i talked to pointed to my husband as my reason for sadness and said he verbally abuses me... which is far from the truth! I've been diagnosed with bipolar by some dr's and depression by others... I've taken the medications but some make me a zombie and others make me worse. I feel like im out of options.
  4. daveyjones

    daveyjones Member

    dont take the ones that make you worse :) My wife had to go on a bunch of different med before she found the one that suited her. dont give up with it.
  5. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    you arent out of options, you just havent found the one which works for you..

    Ive suffered like you for years and only this week I have found my gp to be a great help.Is that a possibilty for you..Ive also found help on some bipolar forums too.Have you tried any?
  6. Crashtesthero

    Crashtesthero Member

    I've looked mostly in places discussing depression because thats what usually effects me. I don't see manic episodes nearly as often and when I do they aren't crazy manic (honestly not even sure if I'm bipolar anymore :/) I feel very out of place, even here on the forums and its hard to talk to people about my depression. I feel like I don't have a legitimate reason to be sad (no difficult childhood that I can remember, no abuse etc) so I have it easy and shouldn't be complaining. I just... I need a reason to stay here... because right now i'm finding it more and more difficult to convince myself I should. There are good days when I'm happy and I think yeah, I love my husband I could never leave him like that... but when I'm having a bad day like the past week has been... it doesn't seem so hard to just cut a little deeper than usual and maybe stop being so damn gloomy. I'm tired of wearing this mask of a smile around everyone else when I really feel like screaming.
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