feels like life is over

[wild rabbit]

been physically ill for years and was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, hypermobility syndrome with secondary fibromyalgia yesterday and now i feel like throwing myself into the sea because i was discharged from the consultant who diagnosed me and told to cope on paracetamol, despite her knowing i cant take the anti depressant needed to control the pain as it would make me high, and the anti convulsant cant be prescribed without talking to the shrink, and what worries me is im riddled with arthritis in my ankles knees and back but other places hurt where they havent xrayed but they assume this is a matter of being hypersensitive to pain. If i could handle the pain on paracetamol, surely i wouldnt have gone to the doctor in the first place and i wouldnt have stopped my lithium just to take pain relief that worked- ibuprofen- but this apparently doesnt work in fibromyalgia but works on me so why do they give me the wrong diagnosis when the pain ihave is due to my joints being fu**ed? I broke my leg 7 weeks ago from falling over, i do it a lot due to loose joints and i dont sprain myself because im so flexible so the bones break, then they disagreed it was broke but still kept the plaster on. Sick of being on the perifery of my treatment, now i have none other than a bit of physio once in a while.

im not oversensitive to pain ffs, i can sit for 3 hours at a time for tattoos, i dislocated my shoulder 5 weeks ago and popped it in myself but done something to the shoulder and in agony, however, i dont flinch at pain so when the doctor examined it she said because she could move it there was nothing wrong- hurt like fu** but she didnt get it.

how am i supposed to get help in finding treatment if im not being seen by her and if i dont see my shrink for 6 months and its like russian roulette getting a good gp to see?

if this is all my life will be, pain, immobility and chronic fatigue then i have had enough. feel utterly shite and feel like giving up

 

[wild rabbit]

suicide is today. i can't handle it anymore. sick of being isolated and worthless. sick of being treated like a pain in the arse, someone to ignore someone who should just sort herself out but thats not right. If i do not exist then i do not exist.

 

[foolnomore]

I know it is hard,but try to hang on in there .You are not a pain to me ,you are little sis and you exist for many.We care so please keep talking and hanging on,we can do it together.

 

[windlepoons]

Are there any support groups for your conditions? Its a lot to cope with, especially with a Dr who seems unsympathetic but there are other avenues to explore I am sure.

You are not worthless, people may not understand you, think the pain is imaginary but now you have a diagnosis they will have to accept that you are in real pain?

 

[wild rabbit]

i cant access most treatments because of the bipolar, now supposed to take rispiridone but wont take it due to weight gain, which will make the joints worse. so pointless this.

 

[foolnomore]

Can you not take the rispiridone and put yourself on a very healthy diet.I know diets suck and it is a case of pot and kettle here because since they increased my meds I have eaten enough for a small Amazonian tribe -plus the cream doughnuts ! But my appetite is decreasing now they have kicked in and I am loosing weight -I think . So perhaps it is just the first few weeks you have to get through .

 

[wild rabbit]

i am soorry, i know i should but i really dont feel like it anymore. im sick of being on a treadmill that someone keeps turning up the speed on. sick of taking pills, sick of banging on doors to get help, it isnt going to happen and i cant carry on. feel bad people here are trying to help and i dont let you but i really genuinely cannot see the point

 

[foolnomore]

Like you I can't see the point but everybody tells me it is worth hanging on and fighting,the way I see it is I make sense to me but not to anyone else so I must be wrong. Do you think that however sensible it seems to you that you could be wrong too?
I know battling with mental and physical pain is so hard and we can't see a way out but sometimes things happen and it changes.I walked with sticks for 15 years and nobody not even myself thought I would ever walk properly again ,but I do ,I even walk up mountains again. It was a long ,hard ,painful fight but I got there ,still not pain free but it is at a manageable level for most of the time now.
I know 15 years seems like a lifetime but that is 15 years for them to discover new meds for your bipolar,new treatments or cures for your physical problems.Don't give up hope now ,you really do so well and we can help each other.The world needs your wonderful sense of humour

 

[wild rabbit]

fate keeps intervening. was going to take my stash of pills to the beach and od, but the police pulled the car over for no mot so i cant even drive there. just been to the hospital for physio but all the physio said was "its allowed to have an off day" had to walk 30 mins there, 30 mins back. I hurt. i hurt inside. so much for crisis teams idea of going for a walk. they are coming nowhere near me. so no one can help. then i think why am i posting i must want help, but frankly i cant see anyone being able to say or do anything that makes it better.

 

[foolnomore]

I am sorry the day has been crap. Maybe there is nothing anyone can say or do but we can be there and listen when you need a rant . Your crisis team might be useless but one day someone who can help will hear you,just keep on hanging in there until they do. For the first time in my life I have seen a psychiatrist and psychologist that understand me ,not just the illness but me as an individual so they are out there ,it has taken me long enough to find them and hopefully you wont have to wait that long ,It does make a lot of difference when you know someone in control gets you .Keep ranting and we will keep listening

 

[wild rabbit]

told my p how i was feeling and he has told me to take tomorrow off work. cant find the energy to go. will have to get a sick note though and its not easy cos it means i will have to go to the gp. have to get a sick note for 1st day of sick because im on the sickness procedure for having 4 days off last year.

 

[wild rabbit]

woke up feeling like yesterday.

about to have a childish moment here but


how many people use this site, why after posting what i did do i vanish into talking to myself?

i know im sensitive at the minute but im tryin to talk to keep myself going and im alone on here.

 

[foolnomore]

Glad you made it through and that you have told your P. I know getting sick notes etc is a faff but some time off may do you good. You do so much sometimes you need time out .
We can get through today together. I am off to the dentist soon-very early appointment but will be around all day once I am back so keep talking.