its that time of year. the holidays. brightest for everyone else. darkest time for me. i have no family to spend it with. no friends either. girls just keep using me as a tool to get some other guys attention. i work my ass off and pay my dues. every day i get up and put on that mask of happiness and pretend while i'm at work. i'm tired of it. it hurts so badly. crying doesn't help. i can't bottle anymore. i had to get it out. feels like everything is my fault and that i don't deserve any better than what i have. somebody please help me?