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Fell off the wagon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by razor2012, Sep 24, 2013.

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  1. razor2012

    razor2012 Active Member

    I was on it for a while, but I'm back in a new city once again, jobless, and almost homeless. I'm really tired of feeling like this. I think society is sick, and really needs a revamp. I hate the fact that I can't make a decision for my life which will affect others. It seems unfair. When I was a kid playing video games and I lost some armor or my energy level, I would commit suicide to replenish my man again. Or restart the game so I had all my lives back. I want to do this now. I'm 40 (old) and I believe in reincarnation. By starting over again I feel like I can get a new life, new family, a fresh start. The only drawback that terrifies me is rebirth as a less than perfect person. Having the cards stacked against me at birth. It's a gamble I suppose. But what is life really for anyway? Why are we here living these little stories on this planet? Everyone else seems so happy in their story. I used to feel like that until my late teens. Since then I've gone back and forth, which is normal in some ways but I can't seem to hold feelings of self worth. Especially when people are so judgmental.
    My plan is to make my life awesome, which is why I moved again but I'm in a dark hole with only a pack of matches to find my way out. I hope I can find my way out before the last match burns. But how easy it would be to just lie down and go to sleep.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hard moving i hope you find a job soon hun so you can have less stress on you Don't give up ok reach out to what the community has to offer you Talk to a church person they may have connections that will land you a job too keep talking to us here ok let us know what is happening hugs
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