I was on it for a while, but I'm back in a new city once again, jobless, and almost homeless. I'm really tired of feeling like this. I think society is sick, and really needs a revamp. I hate the fact that I can't make a decision for my life which will affect others. It seems unfair. When I was a kid playing video games and I lost some armor or my energy level, I would commit suicide to replenish my man again. Or restart the game so I had all my lives back. I want to do this now. I'm 40 (old) and I believe in reincarnation. By starting over again I feel like I can get a new life, new family, a fresh start. The only drawback that terrifies me is rebirth as a less than perfect person. Having the cards stacked against me at birth. It's a gamble I suppose. But what is life really for anyway? Why are we here living these little stories on this planet? Everyone else seems so happy in their story. I used to feel like that until my late teens. Since then I've gone back and forth, which is normal in some ways but I can't seem to hold feelings of self worth. Especially when people are so judgmental. My plan is to make my life awesome, which is why I moved again but I'm in a dark hole with only a pack of matches to find my way out. I hope I can find my way out before the last match burns. But how easy it would be to just lie down and go to sleep.