Felt so close

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by voices_inmy_head, Mar 14, 2010.

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  1. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I got so close to trying tonight. I literally had my hand on the object.

    I dont know what held me back, regret? How stupid, if I died I wouldnt regret. I want to give up. Only way I can see dying is by drinking myself to death, sure its slow and painful but I would follow my prediction and not live to see 30
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm glad something held you back. Do you think maybe there is some part of you that doesn't want to die and its that that stopped you?

    Do you want to talk about what lead to you feeling so desperate?
  3. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I just feel like I have no reason anymore, no friends, no family ... usually I have something, like enjoying my job, or going out with friends, or spending time with my family. Now I just feel alone, nobody needs me and I certianly dont need this pain, been struggiling for 10 years. Can it end now please.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you feel that to live you have to be needed?
  5. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I dont know. Life needs a purpose doesnt it? An hour ago I may of made more sense but I decided screw it, If nobody cares about me why should I try and control my alcaholism... Lucky actually. I wanted to sleep so if I had had sleeping tablets... Well I would of taken them all. At least the jack daniels wont do any imediate harm

    3 days and I havnt been sober a single night... de ja vous anyone?
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think more people care than you probably realise, but the way you prevents you from realising that.

    You can have a purpose in life without being needed. You can find your own purpose. Something important to you.
  7. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    Well I still have to find it :( Im lost, im sad, Im tired, whilst im not going to do anything tonight ive still been closer then ive been so far.

    Thank you for caring though

    (always try to remember to thank people)

    Still been crying sicne about 7pm... how shit is that...
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Crying is shit, but its healing and helpful, even though it actually feel wretched when you're doing it.

    It might be that your purpose is to use your troubles to help others (such as if you recovered from alcholism). It might be to help others in a different way (such as through volunteering or with a specific job), or maybe doing a specific job that you view as worthwhile.

    What is making you cry? Do you have any support at all?

    And you are more than welcome.
  9. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I just feel alone, this week has been bad anyway, dad had heart operation, he is fine now but was not straight after op. Only people that messaged me through txt, facebook were only work friends. All my 'real' outside work friends either didnt care or didnt remember. I dunno, Im tired of telling people I need company I just wish they would realise some weeks I really need it, such as past week.

    I feel like im not making any sense. When I try to justify why I feel bad I just soiund selfish and petty
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Sometimes people don't realise and do need to be told. They can't be mind readers, although, it would be nice if people remembered things they had already been told. I'm glad you had work friends contact you, that shows they care.

    Have you ever thought of going to anything like AA? The support and friendship you can gain from groups like that can be immense.
  11. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I have thought about going to AA, but have no so much as looked up a local group... been told because i can go weeks without drinking i dont have a problem

    Besides not ready to quit, I still enjoy drinking...

    this is another problem. I still do not know. Not knowing causes problems :(
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If you're using alcohol as an emotional crutch, then its a problem. It may vary from others' problems, but it is a problem nonetheless. It does sound, however, like you're not yet ready to accept that. that's ok, it has to be done in your own time.

    If AA is not something you are ready for right now, what about support groups for other things? Or picking up hobbies or volunteering? Those are all good ways to meet more and new people.
  13. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    This area, its hard to meet new people through stuff other then drinking.

    Im going to sleep now, thank you again

  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Just because something is hard, does not make it impossible. Often the hardest things are the most worthwhile.

    I hope you manage to get a good nights sleep and tomorrow is a better day.
  15. bringer of light

    bringer of light Well-Known Member

    Sure knock down the king from the chess board.

    Do you really think your enemies will mourn your loss?

    Think of everyone that has wronged you and use that wrath to make yourself more powerful.

    When I feel lost, I picture how pleasurable it would be to see my enemies screaming in pain and the last thing they would see is my smile.

    I think that someone who surrenders their life without a fight to the bitter end, surrenders their chance of victory and glory.
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