It is that time again where the thoughts spiral downwards and all I can think about is the release that suicide would bring. It is all I can think about to the point it is getting hard to function. The thoughts are brutally intrusive and I get caught up in morbid plotting like I am suffering some kind of terrible fever. I already feel pointless spewing my misery all over this site. In the end it feels inevitable at some point soon I am going to cave into these lows. I came close to dying once before, I have crossed that line, so part of me knows it is easier to do so again. I honestly don't know what to do any more. In all my years I have never felt this utterly lost.