FFS- Just need to let off steam

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Right, for those of you that don't frequent chat, and haven't heard me go on and on about it; I've applied to college, and I was supposed to hear back from them last week. But nnnnnnnnoooooooooo, didn't hear from them. And so I was going on about it to my Mum and BF, who both, in their own way, told me to stop going on about it.
    Then I have problems with the BF. He's "turned on" alot of the time, and my sex drive is just disappeared, I have absolutely no interest in sex at all. Now whether its my meds doing it to me, the stress that I'm under, or something else, I have tried my best to get back "on" but its just not working, and I feel this is letting him down and is unfair to him.
    Now on top of that, I've applied for a higher level course in illustration, which I can only get into cuase I am a mature student. But this involves redoing my portfolio, and can I draw right now? No. Have I tried? I spent an hour sat looking at a blank bit of paper today, I just cant find the drive to do it. And I have to have this done by the 11th of May. I have had an offer to go into the tattoo shop I used to work in and draw in there, but I'm petrified of fucking up and not being able to draw while in there, and then them thinking "well she's no good, cant have her as an apprentice again". But I'm not drawing well at home so what should I do!
    So if I don't hear back from college tomorrow I swear I'm gonna scream. I just hate all this stress! I just want to break down and cry and sleep and miraculously have a college place to go to in September. My Mum and BF don't seem to grasp how this is life or death situation, they keep saying "its not the end of teh world if you dont get in" but it is! This is the start of the career I want. To use this course to better myself as an artist so I can be a better tattooist, I don't feel like I can do it myself, I truely feel like I need the guidance of someone else, and they just don't get that. I'm not good enough for John yet, I dont want to insult him by going back to him thinking that I am. I need this to re enter the world, to be doing something daily. I'm going from nothing to this. I need this
  2. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    wow thats an awfully long rant emma.

    Have you tried getting in touch with the college to see whats going on with them? It could be that its that time of the year where they are getting swamped with applications for september that they just have a backlog, it happens, just depends how big the college is.

    To be fair even if you boyfriend wants it all the time, if he loves you then he will understand that you are stressed and you aint really in the mood for it, which to be fair, wioth everything you have going on isn't really surprising. Can i ask what meds are you on because i can tell you for certain if it is the meds or not because ive been on mostly all anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and mood stabilisers known to man!

    Do you know if its just that you have no inspiration or maybe you are distracted by something? Surely though if you are around other people who are, lets face it, talented as you are then you should have no problem with inspiration, it will just flow naturally. Before you say anything the shop must bthink you nare talented if they are thinking of taking you on so dont be too hard on yourself. Everyone has their off days. May the 11th is 3 and a half weeks away which is loads of time so dont start sweating just yet.

    If you dont manage to get into this certain college is there any chance of a place of another college? It might be worth investigating as then you have a choice if you dont get into one you will get in one somewhere else. just a thought. its what i had to do last year. I had to go with my 3rd choice in the end so give it some thought.

    It sounds like you are making some positive changes in your life but just remember sometimes we make unrealistic expectations for ourselves so we will fail and then we have another reason to hate ourselves even more. Just stay focused and have goals which are realistic and achieveable and you will make it. You will always have the support of all of us so just remember that and if you evcer need to talk im on msn which is on my profile somewhere
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i know it is hard waiting for the dam phone to ring or mail to come it is almost cruel to keep you waiting. Can you call the school and see what your status is maybe someone there can give you an earlier answer It will show them just how interested you are. Phone the school okay push for some answers Don't give in to despair yet did they say when they would give you an answer i wouldn't wait i would call them
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    um... well-- for the first thing; when I applied to college- I was the last person in my whole graduating class to hear back from them. -__- it was over a month after they had already replied to everyone else.
    It was stressful and made me feel like a giant moron- but that's the way it works sometimes.

    Try not to be too freaked out about it, kay?