Fiance does not believe in my BPD(personality disorder)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by cherrycrush1009, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. cherrycrush1009

    cherrycrush1009 New Member

    I have been dating a guy for almost a year. We got engaged after two months of dating. Which I now realize was incredibly stupid. This guy obviously has something wrong with him. I am not sure if it is anti-social, BPD, or bi-polar, but after getting to know him so well, there is something definitely wrong but he will never admit it. He will never go get help. He does not believe in my Borderline Personality Disorder. He says it is basically just crap. I can just decide what I want and do it. I wish it were that easy! He may be right, sometimes I just stay in my lonely sad place because its comfortable but sometimes like now, I can not help but have suicide pop into my head. Cutting and suicide are about all I have been thinking about for the last few days. I was doing so well a year ago.....maybe even 6 months ago,m but soon he just started degrading me, telling me I was wrong, telling me that my personality disorder is not real.

    I have finally just given into the verbal abuse. He still thinks he does nothing wrong. I decided a out 6 months before I had started dating this guy that it was time o take control of my life. BPD was not going to win, I needed to do something about this disorder or it would eat me alive. I started going to a therapist once a week as well as a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) course. It was a year long class which I finished up a few months back. VERY helpful. It is where I got all my tricks and new found self esteem. Once I had stopped going I was free game. I knew all the right things to do and when( not that I did it every time while in dbt) but we went over it weekly so it was fresh in my mind) now I have completely forgotten what to do and when. I hope to return to DBT soon. I have lost all the self respect self esteem I had finally worked hard to create for myself. He was so different when I agreed to marry him (so was I of course) but he read all the books I gave him in the very beginning of our relationship. I warned him, I tried really hard o educated him on what it is I deal with and in turn he may have to deal with every so often. If it was not for my mother I would be in the ground already. After 4 suicide attempts I could definitely pull this one off if I wanted to. My mother keeps me sane and helps me through so much. It took her a long time to realize what I had and how to help me without carrying me. She has helped me financially a lot because, well, we cant eat at the moment without her help. My fiance gets really angry even though they are just trying to help. I just got a job at a really good place, great company but I hate the department I work in! I wish I had known it was all MATH, which I suck at so I am basically reminding myself of how bad at numbers I am every day. Just to drive home and hear about how I can just change overnight if I wanted to. He should see me off my meds, haha. I am so close to choosing to just run away from this life. I want to feel better, I want to be happy, I want to love and be loved. Is that even possible for me. He says no one else will put up with my shit everyday like him. He may be right.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help him understand or what I should do? I love him so much but if I cant make him realize there are only three options. Leave and go back home to my parents house (for the fourth time/which is like a living hell for someone who is trying to grow up), stay with him and just put up with it. Take it. Decide he is right and just stay on the floor as the doormat, or I could take the easy way out. Yes, even I know it is the easy way out but I have hurt for so long and I thought I was finally going to not hurt that way ever again. I was wrong, it will probably just continue to happen, over and over and over. I would rather just get out of the game before it starts to save myself the trouble of more pain.

    Thanks.

    PS- if anyone wants help, doesn't matter with what (they try and focus on self-harm and suicide cases) but DBT is fantastic and will help you out a lot. Hopefully you wont have the same issues of verbal abusive soon there afterwards so you will b e able to absorb it. This is a great program and should be implemented in schools even if you ask me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2013
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I think you know what positive, beneficial to you step you should take. You do need independent (in addition to your Mum ) support in real life as well as here.
    When your boyfriend says "no one else would put up with my shit every day like him" I would be dying to say "Snap!".
    We all make mistakes in relationships and most things. Often one of the big difficulties is admitting to ourselves and others that we've cocked up. Acknowledging we got it wrong is the first step to doing it better next time. So the sooner we say "I cocked it up. Again. " the sooner we can recover and try to improve. Not be perfect, not get it right. A bit better or different is an improvement.