fiance has anger issues

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by alyb, Aug 19, 2010.

  1. alyb

    alyb Member

    Moving back in with my parents has been the worst decision i've ever made. my fiance and i live with them and he has turned into such an angry person. he hates my parents because they are huge alcoholics. they yell at us in the middle of night. and my sister doesn't live here but she recently got kicked out of her apartment so all of her 8 CATS have came here and put into the basement. yesterday my fiance threw the tv remote numerous times and made many holes in the wall. he was angry that my parents just let my sister do whatever she wants. but he seems to take it all out on me. when i try to calmly talk to him, it seems to make him worse. the only way he feels better is if he sleeps it off or we don't talk for hours. but im scared he is going to hurt me one time. and even when he feels better...we never get a chance to talk about it all. he has broken so many cell phones over the past few years just because he is mad. we have been together for 5 years but i don't know what else i should do. ive tried different methods of dealing with it. talking, ignoring it, giving him space, trying to get another person involved to talk to him. but nothing seems to work. im so stressed and i have extremely low self esteem. most of the time, i feel like this is all my fault. im so depressed.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to move out into a place of your own without fiance Let him go get some anger management classes and when he is able to get his action under control then talk to him Right now you need to only look after you and your well being okay You don't need him or anyone behaving like an animal around
    you Time for some independance for you and for you to grow a bit walk away from all of them.
  3. Stray

    Stray Account Closed

    I understand as i'm in a violent relationship myself. Ask yourself is this really the man you want to be with? Start planning your escape!
  4. alyb

    alyb Member

    I found a group called Al-anon. I think I am going to go to some of those meetings. I really do need to start thinking about myself. I worry too much about others and I start to feel guilty when life is messing up for them. I am planning to talk to my fiance after everything has cooled down. so it will be a few days. we go on vacation from work next week. so maybe when go camping, i'll talk to him. i want to say something along the lines of, "i am leaving this house, and you can come with me or choose to say. but you need to work out your anger issues just like i am going to work on my own problems." idk if this is what i want to say but I need some sort of goal to work towards. thanks for your replies, guys. it really helps when people just give a little advice. i don't feel so alone.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Do you know if your fiance is angry mainly because of the living situation? Being with alcoholic parents and an overcrowded house?

    Because if that's the case, then it's not you he's angry at, it's everything else- but he uses you as an outlet which isn't right, you aren't for that.

    Everything sounds proper stressful, I really hope things work out, and you make the best decision for yourself. :hug:
  6. There-is-Hope

    There-is-Hope New Member

    There should come a point where you need to decide if it is worth living in fear of someone else. It is never a good feeling to have to tip-toe around another individuals moods. You're worth more than that. I was once in a relationship similar to this, and I loved the man so much I thought I was nothing without him. I thought I couldn't live without him. But when I got the courage to leave I realized that 's when I was actually, "living" the most. After suffering from years of abuse and depression I found that there are some things in life we cannot change however, we can look at them in a different way to feel better about them. BUT the things that we are capable of changing we should do everything in our power to do so. Set goals for your own happiness. Re-evaluate your situation with this man. If your depression is mainly because of him I would say leave him. I know it's a hard thing to do TRUST ME, but in time maybe you will find your true happiness is being without him.

    P.S- Since leaving this abusive relationship my self- esteem has improved. Be your own biggest cheerleader! :)