Fifteen - Triggering

Fleury Dragon

Rawr 🐲
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#1
I'm only fifteen, I'm only babysitting your kids
Going babysitting overnight for the first time with a new client after they phone with an emergency. Their reason is their girlfriend just left them and took the car and they need to find her.
Dad and mum agreed to me taking this job.
Dad drives me and drops me off at the house, there are two big dogs waiting and barking. One a German Shepard and the other a rottweiler.
You need to come out and call your dogs off before I'm able to even get out of the car. Dad drives off and my nightmare begins.
There are two little boys that I need to care for, one is under 2. You tell me you are going for a shower before you head out to find your girlfriend, something about the way you are makes me uneasy.
I get the two boys ready and settle them down for sleep. Tomorrow is a school day and I have an assignment due so I start studying.
Mum and Dad call to check things are ok and I have to say they are as I don't know what is about to happen.
I hear you get out of the shower and five minutes later coming down the hall. Dressed in a bath robe.
You make an excuse that you phoned your girlfriend and will meet her later. Ask me to massage your legs and back and I'm scared. Your dogs are inside, one under the TV cabinet and the other near the door.
I replied no I can't I don't know how.
You tell me you'll show me and convince me to lie on my back.
I'm tense as you run your hands over my back and so afraid of the dogs.
Then you start rubbing my legs and work your way up, no please not my thighs I can hear in my head.
After rubbing my legs you get up and disappear down the bedroom. I'm trapped by the dogs and all I want is to escape.
As the night goes on I know you are not going out. But I can't phone my parents I don't want them to know.
Night pasts on and it's bedtime.
There is no spare bed and I ask for blankets for the couch. But you pull me to the bedroom and say its OK. Tell me I can sleep on this side of the bed and draw a line down the middle of the bed and tell me you will stay on your half. The dogs have been moved. One is in the hallway outside the bedroom. There is no way out.
I agree to sleep there, no other choice, but I lie on my side as close to the edge as possible. As the night goes on you reach over and take my hand. I pretend I'm asleep it's all I can do. First thing you do is put a cold metal thing on my hand, I later see this was a knife. I'm hardly breathing I'm so scared. You take my hand and put it on your member and try to get me to hold it. I am still pretending I'm asleep and my hand is limp. After a while you give up but I lie in terror awake all night.
Next morning you pay me, more than the fee. I feel dirty disgusting.

Right now I'm crying, how can something like this still make me feel so bad.
 

JDot

remember to drink plenty of water
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SF Supporter
#3
it's natural to cry and feel bad after you've been violated like that. in fact there's no right or wrong way to feel after an assault. he had no right to do what he did. when you say you feel dirty, i hope you don't feel like you did anything wrong on your end. this is all completely his fault.
 

Bbear82

Well-Known Member
#4
i am so sorry you went through this. my heart aches for you. it is normal i think to feel like you do, but it is very important to tell yourself over and over that this was NOT your fault in anyway. he was the adult he was in the wrong not you.
 

Raven

Would-Rather-Not-Known Member
SF Supporter
#6
I'm so sorry for you...you are such a wonderful person and you helped me a lot yesterday, and I don't know why life is like this and make you experience those terrible things. I hope you feel better.*hug*console
Logically I know that it was all his fault. A small part of me will always wonder if I'd done something different could I have stopped it.
*console*hug
It reminds me about my experience, about two years ago... (I'm still afraid of telling that experience to others)
*hug*consoleHope everything is brighter for you.
 

Fleury Dragon

Rawr 🐲
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SF Supporter
#8
I still feel so guilty about this situation. Not that I was at fault for what happened but that I never got help at the time. I feel guilty because those two boys were still there. I feel ashamed that I never got help for them.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#9
@Fleurise no regrets - you said it was a school night therefore only a kid yourself, don't feel ashamed, he is the monster that should feel ashamed, on your part of course you didn't know what else to do - when we find ourselves in these situations we really never know what is the best course of action-a horrendous terrifying experience But you are a survivor fleurise not a victim and i doubt this was the first or last time he has done something like this to unsuspecting people - a predator. Have you ever spoken to anyone in real life about this?

I just want to ingrain it in you, YOU have nothing to feel guilty about, you were the kid and he was supposed to be the protecting adult.

I am proud of you for sharing this will all of us, that shows strength and courage - well done *hug

I hope it has taken some of the weight off your shoulders :) *hug
 

JDot

remember to drink plenty of water
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SF Supporter
#10
Logically I know that it was all his fault. A small part of me will always wonder if I'd done something different could I have stopped it.
Right now you have the ability to look back and think about what could have happened differently. But you didn't have that ability at the time. You didn't know it was going to happen. And I don't think most people at fifteen would know how to deal with a situation like that. Actually most adults probably don't know how to deal with that situation. He had a knife and you were concerned about your safety as you should have been.
 

JDot

remember to drink plenty of water
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SF Supporter
#13
I still carry guilt inside and what happened to his children, what would they turn out like. Who else did he harm because I never spoke up. *blue
I'm sorry you still feel guilt about what happened. If he harmed anyone else, it's 100% his fault. I know that doesn't necessarily make things better. But you have to take care of yourself, and you were young. I hope you get to feeling better. You're a good person.
 

Fleury Dragon

Rawr 🐲
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SF Supporter
#14
Thanks @Sassy the Wonderful Cat and @JDot
At times like this the memory goes around and around in my head.
The thought that I have maybe stopped any potential harm that he might have caused someone since then.
But I know I was only 15. I didn't know much at that age and had no supports. So logically I can understand why I didn't report it.
 

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