I had a pretty good fight with my wife last night. We were having a nice dinner with the kids when she turns to me and says that the kids will be going to her parents today. Our kids are young, and I was looking forward to spending the day with them, going to the park, and watching the fireworks. So I say that, and my wife gets really quiet. I ask her if she had anything special planned for just the two of us, she said no. So dinner ends, we leave (we're in different cars), and I get a text message from my wife. It's clear that she intended to send it to her friend rather than me, and it basically went that she hates me, she hates how I act, why did I have to screw up her plans, etc. My response was: Fine. Drop the kids off at your parents. We both get home about the same time, my wife wants to talk, and I don't want to hear it. Fine, you decide that you have to go tell your friends the truth but you can't tell me? This signals our relationship really is in its last stages. There's not much you can say to me at this point. It's clear she's not being fully honest with me, and so I don't want to hear whatever explanation she has. I change clothes, grab a pad of paper, get the <Mod Edit: Methods>, and go out for a "drive." I drove for a bit until I find myself in the middle of nowhere watching the sunset. And I pull out the <Mod Edit: Methods> and just look at it for a bit. Then I write for a bit and cry, then look at the <Mod Edit: Methods> again. During this entire time, there's a little voice in the back of my head saying "I don't want to die." But I'm so miserable, I'm so sad that I really just want the pain to stop. And I'll be damned if I know how to do that with anything short of suicide. But eventually I do put the <Mod Edit: Methods> away, and I drive back to the house. My wife has no idea what's happened, we don't talk, and I just go to bed. This morning, I went through my wife's text messages on her phone. It's clear that she and I have a communication problem, I found texts telling her friends of things that either I thought I didn't say or were much larger than I thought (making mountains out of molehills, as the old saying goes). And now I'm just stuck here. A part of me wants to go out there and pull the trigger. I know I'll hurt some people, but the pain will stop. And I'm fairly certain that in the long run, most will be better off because of my decision. Anyway, that's what happened. I don't know what I'll do next. The imminent crisis has passed, but the troubles are still there. And I'm not certain I want to make it out of this holiday weekend still breathing. Thanks for letting me vent. It does help.