Fighting back with Extreme Anger

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BOLIAO, Dec 16, 2007.

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  1. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    My depression was killing me. I saw no hope at all in the future, so with no hope at all with the future, i got depressed further, when i got depressed further, i even felt worse on the no hope situation, then by feeling even worse, i got even more depressed. And it came to a point where I dont even have any negative thoughts and I feel severely depressed (like the past few days).

    Why does fate has to make us victims? many things happen beyond my control and I have to end up paying the price. Why why why? Everyday is the same thing. same thing over and over again. It has been a few months since I fell into suicidal depression. I see no end of the tunnel and maybe this time it's for final.

    Then yesterday, everything seems to go wrong. everything that I do went wrong and everything which I did my best also went wrong beyond my control. Suddenly I snapped. I smashed my PC with my fist and kept on smashing it. It a fit of anger, I shouted out all the sadness in me and all the despair and hopeless I have in me to my partner. I felt my mood lift and became my original self again. I felt my feelings of futile , hopelessness gone etc and I became very very angry and alert as compared with my state of psychomotor retardation which makes me move in slow-motion and my zombie-like mind.

    I dunno if it may work for some of you who became depressed because of repressed thoughts / feelings. Maybe u can try letting it all out on anger. It made me feel better. of course, I do also know that my lifted mood may only be temporary due to the artificial lift by anger but it makes me feel normal for half a day.

    so instead of being a victim, let FUCK this world and be our self .
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I am so proud of you my friend. I know it has been a long hard journey to make it to this point. Now keep strong and keep fighting.:boxer: And here's to where you were:massmoon:
     
  3. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    thanks dear. my PC looks like a work of Art now or may look like a piece of scrap haha but it still works luckily. I never felt so good for so long. Smashing my frusfration, despair and anger in life out. I got a baseball bat in my room but i better not use it on my PC cos it would be suicidal haha
     
  4. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    hi! well that's good outlet of depression. why don't yu try to play badminton. Smashing is one of the best move.LOL.:biggrin: just kidding. I used to smash things before when I feel angry and until now it's my habit. Since I can't overcome this habit, I bought boxing bag sand inside of it, I put it in the middle of my bedroom. Anytym, I can punch, smash all of my problem..
     
  5. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    I've done this before also, BOLIAO. Once, I threw my desktop at the wall. It smashed the plastic covering of the monitor, but, after buying a new keyboard, it worked just fine.

    There are other things that I've done also. I do not believe the mods would approve of my telling you those things. I'll just say this, those things cost me a whole lot more money than a new computer would have. Alot more.

    Anyway, I'm glad you feel better. For me, if nothing else, it gives me something to do. I have to clean up after myself.
     
  6. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    well, in my previous depression, I smashed mirror with my fist and ended up bleeding. I'm so angry with whats happenned to me that I could smash anything. how nice if we got a place where it allows us to smash everyting in sight. I can then let out all my frusfration, hurt and anger in me. Sadness, frusfration and anger turned inwards resulted in my depression. Maybe I should write an article and title is "Smash your Way out of Depression' haha
     
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