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Fighting for nothing?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Sep 5, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    For the past month im fighting to go back to school and to
    work on completeing my education, yet again and again i keep
    falling and then standing back up again and then falling again.
    I can see how people do thair job, thay helping me, even though
    not in a very freandly way (go there, do this, wait for 1 moth, do that)
    so im going, im doing, im waiting, im fighting, and im not even at school yet.
    1 September have come and gone and im still here, at home, trying to
    figure out what im doing with myself. My dad pushing me to act and to fight
    in his wicked way (it makes me be even more depressed), but i do, im trying.
    But then sometimes i stop and think, what the point? So ill go back to school
    to finish the damn 12 years and to get the damn papers, then i will go
    to collage (or at least i hope i will), ill get a nice education, and then what?
    ill find myself a job? what the point? so ill find myself a job.. then what?
    I see people around me, i live in Odessa where there is thi huge mix of
    SUPER rich people and poor people, you can see this old USSR cars and right
    behind them a limo or a Hamvi limo or a corvate or audi...
    or there is this younger rich guys with Mitsubishi LancerX\Mustang racing
    you can even hear how thay use Nitro sometimes...
    When i look at them i think to myself, thaydidnt done shit for all this money
    most of them have less education the i do, this world is fucken brocken.
    What the point to spend years and years of my life just so that when ill be
    35 ill have a nice house and a nice car? and then ill get lonley and
    start lookin for a wife, and then ill have kids, and then all the years i spent
    on education and so that ill have a good job, all will go for my kids.
    and then ill be 60 years old playin golf... like WTF?
    I dot want it!!! its not what makes me happy!!

    What will make me happy is NOT BEEIN THE PART OF THIS WORLD
    i dont want to be a part of it and when it will happen i will be happy
    and whats wrong with it? its like if i dont want to live in 1 country, so im flying to another country right?

    Its a shame we no longer live in the ear where people could just
    pick uo sword and figt thair way to glory, like vikings, living simple life
    full of glory and then when thay die, thay die on the battlefield
    just like each and every singel one should, to die in glory.
    And the glory is not about who you die for, but how you die and how
    many countryis you captuerd before that.
    Alexander the great was not much older then i am when he died
    but look what he had? he had the most powerfull empire and his name
    will be remembered forever!
  2. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Ah yes. There's sort of 2 sides about that picture of a house, a car, a significant other and a couple of kids. One one hand it can be considered some sort of achievement, some kind of ideal, what the good and happy life is supposed to be... many dream of this and many walk that path, however not everyone. One the other side it's just plain panda cola grey and boring as you point out.
    As for looking at others and see how well of they are/how well they deserve the situation they're in... well, not much to do about it really, some just happens to be in the right place at the right time, some not.
    I think some people would've been better off in another era, absolutely. Maybe you are one of them. However, I hope you opt to stick around a little longer, the era we live in today offer a lot of freedom compared to many of the previous ones - you don't necessarily have to end up on the (rather boring?) work-car-house-wife-kids-path - there's a lot of different things to try and many places to go on this peculiar spinning sphere, maybe you'll find other answers.
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