Fighting it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfterFact, Aug 5, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I found out the keycode to the safe today. I also found the keys to the other safe. I couldnt control myself. I found a morphine pill, a bunch of Valium, similar but slightly different anti-anxiety pills. The only thing thats stopping me is the time of day. Its too early. The moment night comes, I honestly dont know how I am going to be able stop myself from getting totally messed up. I havent used valium or morphine before, I dont know what to expect. I havent gotten high in 46 days. But in all that time, I have been feeling like shit for most of it. I want to get high so bad, but part of me knows it wrong.Cross Country starts in a few days, school starts in a few weeks. I dont know if I can fight it any more. The temptation is literally right in front of me. I dont want to throw the pills away, part of me doesnt want to be good. Part of me wants to give up.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Throw the dam pills away hun morphne is dangerous ok throw them away keep control you can do it.
     
  3. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    And then what? I feel numb I just want to feel something. I'm tired of feeling like shit. If this is how being sober feels like, I dont want to be sober.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.