I found out the keycode to the safe today. I also found the keys to the other safe. I couldnt control myself. I found a morphine pill, a bunch of Valium, similar but slightly different anti-anxiety pills. The only thing thats stopping me is the time of day. Its too early. The moment night comes, I honestly dont know how I am going to be able stop myself from getting totally messed up. I havent used valium or morphine before, I dont know what to expect. I havent gotten high in 46 days. But in all that time, I have been feeling like shit for most of it. I want to get high so bad, but part of me knows it wrong.Cross Country starts in a few days, school starts in a few weeks. I dont know if I can fight it any more. The temptation is literally right in front of me. I dont want to throw the pills away, part of me doesnt want to be good. Part of me wants to give up.