fighting the feeling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lozzie, Jan 14, 2016.

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  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    I don't enjoy feeling so depressed all the time (bare with me as I just type out my thoughts- I am seeking help and am on meds ect) but constantly fighting off my inner thoughts to want to die. Its horrible I have had it for years but it constantly bites me in the butt. I always feel like I have no purpose, again have lost interest in things I use to enjoy , lost interest in food- can't go to the toilet and always feeling tired. It is really getting to me. I am so over feeling this way every single day. I am fighting everyday just like every one else is i know. I just want to be someone else now, I just pushing through to hopefully one day to create a better life for myself but i cant see that ever happening. To feel better, thats never going to happen, I don't wanna be me anymore.
    I get goosebumps when i think about death and i sometimes feel like i was born into this world to be used, to be given to others for their enjoyment, to make them feel better. Whether it be a negative or positive- nothing ever lasts- things always change and one day it will all be for nothing. Live to Die.
    I am so grateful for all the effort people have put in to helping me try and get through this- but its too late for me. I don't need to make my mind up right now, I may die today, tomorrow.... or later this year... have not decided but thats my goal...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Lozzie, I have read your post twice and I am so sorry you are feeling this way and about your thoughts. What is your diagnosis may I ask? You say you get goosebumps when you think of death, like you are scared of it? Or like the worst is yet to come kind of feeling? Keeping your mind occupied might help you. Go for a walk in the park and read a book, meditate, if the feelings keep coming back, use a different distraction method each time to find one that works.I really hope things improve for you hun.
     
  3. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    Hey, yeah i suffer from PTSD, server depression and anxiety- fun times ;)

    I am currently seeing a psychologist and my gp regularly. I had to take the weekend off work because i am just not managing at the moment, and the extra time to rest has done me some good. Just being able to be still, with the lovely rain pouring at the moment has really helped me relax today
     


  4. I feel this way every second of my life.
     
  5. Dr Strange

    Dr Strange New Member

    You never know what can happen... have you tried lots of different meds?
     

  6. I have PTSD from seeing things as a child being on my own at the age of 14 and being 20 now i have seen things done things heard things and am still traumatized from it to this day trying to get away from it can't dissapear from it I've tried leaving this earth I have once for over an hour and after that I saw how I keep getting stronger everyday and it's tearing me apart everyday and more.
     
  7. I used to be on meds but they made me worse then when I didn't have them I haven't been on them for over a year and have been doing better till this moment of a terrible heart break
     
  8. Dr Strange

    Dr Strange New Member

    Seeing what type of things if you don t mind...
     
  9. Could u message me elsewhere
     
  10. Dr Strange

    Dr Strange New Member

    sure but not sure how. Where?
     

  11. I started a conversation
     
  12. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    its not a pleasant feeling at all
     
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  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is good that you are seeing professionals regularly. I hope it helps to take the edge off. Glad to hear you are relaxing for the moment and hope it stays that way for you :) Having the weekend off must be heaven - sent for you. Talk to us anytime you need to and we will always try and help. Having a lovely soothing bath before bed and be well rested. Best of luck to you!!
     
  14. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    yeah might try have a bath before bed tonight. I had really bad nightmares last night and sept walked for the first time in ages. I have a date tonight with my partner, he is really supportive. Afterwards ill come home and have to try relax.
    thank you
     
    2 people like this.

  15. I'm glad someone can get the help they need
     
  16. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    help is available to all..... i know i have my days where just can't manage to even accept the help....
     
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