Fighting the urge

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by foreignlauren, Jan 5, 2013.

  1. foreignlauren

    foreignlauren Member

    All I can think about is cutting recently, it seems to be the only next step that is reachable. Certain thoughts trigger it but mainly my family's actions towards me, I am invisible to them yet when they want me to be visible I am an oral punching bag to take their aggression out on. My mum only interacts with me when she wants chores doing and I receive no thankfulness from her whatsoever. I don't talk to my mum because every conversation I have with her results in an argument. But it's my mum's partner who encourages it, he plots ideas into my mum's head that aren't true and to make me look wrong. I hate living in this house, I am trapped and there is no way out. And that's when cutting seems the best relief. I can't concentrate on my education let alone friendships because my family make me feel so low and unworthy plus I live an extreme distance from any social life I could have. I feel like I have 2 options: continue with life and continue cutting to relieve the pain for now or end all of the pain in me by ending my life. The second option is so tempting and seems so satisfying but I can't bring myself to actually do it, as shallow as this sounds I want my family to be hurt due to my death to prove how much they have hurt me and hopefully it will make them realise that our family is not a family.

    Please can someone advise me I don't know what to do anymore everything is hopeless.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2013
  2. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    Lauren i can totally relate! my relationship with my mother is terrible and i also cut to relieve the stresses and pressure of reality.. ive attempted to take my own life more times than i care to mention and i often question whether life is even worth all of this struggling and pain. BUT we can do it!! you are SOOOOOO much stronger than you think Lauren and you are NOT alone. We will get through it together ok ***hugs****
  3. foreignlauren

    foreignlauren Member

    I hope we can rachael!! I just want it all to stop :( thank you hun I am here for you *hugs* x