I'm having some issues with a friend right now. This is a long story but I'll try to make it as short as possible. We've known each other for about 10 years now. We met in 2004, and at the time I was attending university in Germany. I would see her every now and then at the bus stop, but I was incredibly shy and didn't talk to her once until the night before I left to fly back to Canada. We did keep in touch through email, and after a while we took a special likeness to each other. I was in college at the time and couldn't commit to anything, such as traveling to her country to see her, and neither did we really talk about how we were going to keep things together. I did however attempted to save as much as I good to make plans to see her after I graduated, or maybe fly her to Canada to stay with me for a while. At the time she wasn't very confident at speaking English, though she knew it well, she never really told me or tried to speak it with me. About a year after we met she told me that she had met someone, and that they were staying at a hotel with his parents. I thought to myself, where the hell did that come from, and after that things started going a little downhill. I thought she still had feelings for me so I began texting her on her phone. Eventually her boyfriend found out and they got in a fight, which she then told me to stop texting. I was pretty crushed, so I stopped writing her. The next few years kept going downhill for me. I slid into severe depression, not because of this incident, but I suppose this was a part of it, being rejected by others. I lost contact with her for a few years, but I did add her to facebook though I kept my distance from her. She got married to this same guy during my depression period, and they had a kid a couple of years later. I felt completely oblivious to this, as I knew things were over with her anyway, but in the back of my mind I still loved her, though I didn't think about it. Fast forward to 2013. I just completed a 9 country 13 city backpacking trip across Europe. During my journeys I visited her at her home in Croatia. We had discussed this a few weeks earlier, and had made plans to meet and possibly do stuff together. At first she was really excited and surprised that I was coming to visit her after all those years, and talked about all the time we should spend together. But then reality set in and she knew she couldn't commit to much of anything, only meeting for a few hours. I was fine with that, as I knew what the situation was. I stayed in the town sightseeing all day, waiting for to meet her as she said she wasn't available until late in the evening. We met at a restaurant in the center of the town. At first we couldn't find each other. She tried texting me but she didn't know how to with my number, as it was international and there's a special way to do it. I looked for her and eventually found her at the corner of a restaurant. She didn't seem overly happy to see me. She hugged me and kissed me on both cheeks (as customary in Europe) and we sat down at a table on the upstairs terrace of a restaurant. She now speaks near perfect English, compensating the words that she doesn't know with a bit of German which I mostly understand. My backpacking friend was there with me so we just talked about random things. She didn't really ask me much about my life or what I was doing all those years. I found that a little strange, but we weren't on the same level of affection as we shared in that year. She stayed out with me really late, almost until 3AM, which at that time I had to leave too to get enough sleep to board a bus a few hours later. I took some pictures of us together and said goodbye for who knows how long. The next day I endured a long bus trip to Venice Italy. I texted her and thanked her for taking the time to see me while I was there, but my emotions were run high at that point so I started asking her questions about us, about why we weren't together, and how come she didn't tell me she was seeing someone. At that point she thought we were able to close that chapter in our lives, but in thinking about everything I became a little down as I realized she didn't love me anymore and that our friendship was strained. She was the love of my life and I couldn't imaging being with anyone else in life but her. I started blaming myself for not making the effort to visit her and try to keep the relationship going. I spilled out all my emotions to her, texting her a lot to a point where she was responding to all my replies, even when she was at work, with her child, and her husband. Initially she asked me to call her on Skype sometimes, and that she would really like it if I did, to a point where she told me to not call her at all, because it wouldn't be fair to her husband who she is with every evening. I took that as a big rejection, and told her that I was very hurt and that I didn't think she would be the woman who would ever do that to me. She found this insulting, and a fight ensued, which presently she is ignoring me. Every time I try to write, to even say hi or how she's doing, she lashes back with insults to me. There you have it. Every day I'm thinking about her, but I feel like I should really end things between us. Even if we were still talking, it would never be the same as it once was. I always thought she was so wonderful and that she understood me on every level, but now the frequent insults is making me think differently about her. I'm not sure what to do. I'm 29 and I feel so alone in the world. I've never been in a long term relationship, and the thoughts of ever being in one seem pretty grim to me. Then I think about her, and the family she has, and that I don't mean anything to her anymore. What hurts most of all, is the fact that she gave up on me when I had big plans made. I feel like removing all traces of her from my life. I kept all the email she has ever written to me, but in looking at those now they only add to the hurt. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion and making a bigger deal about it than it actually is, I dunno. What I do know is that after all those years I'm still alone and all my dreams are shattered because of constant rejection.