K, so if someone can point me in the direction I should go advice would be good, heres my gig. Im 21, doing pretty well for myself, and I seem to be totally effd in the head. I'll get so mad I choke and punch myself, I've been so mad I've given myself black eyes. The most recent episode resulted in two black eyes, one of which was swelled totally shut. I deal with alot of suicidal thoughts. I have only attempted once and my ex stopped it by punching me in the mouth and <mod edit> till I cooled off. I get very worked up and stressed about everything, I have broken knuckles from punching things at work. I get in fights, I'll get drunk when I cant cope. But I had a wonderful child hood, good parents and I have a very loving girlfriend, which makes me angry because I have no reason to want to kill myself but im so stressed and I have so much pain that I cant find a reason for so I get mad for being such a wimp which makes me want to off myself even more. It kinda spirals, I mean one minute I can be fine making dinner, then something will stick to the pan so I'll very calmly walk to the bathroom and proceed to pummel myself in the gut because ill be so mad. Today was the worst day ive had in a while which is why im posting this. I have been on and off like this for may be 10 years since grade 6ish.